10 things that I observed on my recent round trip flight to Europe via Icelandic Air:
10. If you're country just went through bankruptcy, you are desperate for Euros and/or dollars, you should schedule longer layovers in Keflavik - because, eventually, I will convince myself to eat the herring chips and buy one of those ridiculously overpriced wool sweaters. If all I have time for is a cigarette and a piss, then I don't have time to reach into my wallet.
9. Naming your elite mileage club "Saga" doesn't evoke memories of Thor, all it does is loop that awful 80s band Saga's song, "On The Loose", in my head until I have no choice but to wish we would just crash in Greenland and get it over already.
8. You only breed mistrust of your culture when you serve "Kleiner" only on European flights. Don't you know Americans are more familiar with donuts than you are with Sigur Ros or Bjork? If you don't believe me, ask any cop in the States.
7. Nobody cares about "Airwaves" - the Iceland music festival. Ever hear of Coachella or Redding?
Really?! This is the movie that you want curious Americans to watch to get a better sense of your culture? Halfway through the movie, I thought I had started to finally grasp "Black Metal", but then I realized that came from Norway and it scared me. Dark Norwegians have an outlet, I thought, but Icelandic people have volcanoes. "My God! When do we land?!"
5. For 1200 years, Iceland was isolated - then there were airplanes. It made me think the whole country was a "Gods Must Be Crazy" spinoff - only they worshipped Pan Am instead of Coca-Cola.
4. Whatever happened to the rest of The Sugarcubes?
3. I get it. You like airplanes.
2. Rolling a cart of jewelry through the aircraft, several times a flight, doesnt make me want to buy - it makes me think I've got to practice carrying my wallet in my front pocket because there are gypsies in Europe.
1. The Eskimos have, like, 26 words for snow, but the Icelandic people have over 200 words for "creepy".
And another thing!!! How come the pilot, when he speaks to the passengers, speaks non-stop for 6 minutes in Icelandic then, in English, says "Enjoy your flight". What else did he say to the natives and how does that build trust?
Just kidding, Iceland!!! I didn't really mean to offend you. The last thing I want is to fly United and HAVE to make another connection at ORD.