Each week our culture scientists rank their 10 favorite things in the universe. The resulting list is infallible. The list is perfect. If you don't agree with the list, you are wrong. Some items may stay atop the list for weeks, others may only make a brief appearance. Some items are Portland-centric, but only because Portland is at the center of the universe. Please do not write to us, asking for the metrics behind the list. We will not provide source material. We will not be swayed. Bow down to the list. Love the list, as the list loves all things. Let the list move through you. (And, you know, if you have suggestions for the list, stick them in the comments section below.)
1. The new single from the only punk band that matters
Which is Pussy Riot's "Putin Lights Up the Fires." They're gonna play sold-out shows in the U.S. once they're free from Putin's Soviet gulag.
2. The Canby Rodeo
Every once in a while, it's nice to put down the PBR, drive a few miles outside of town and experience the real Oregon—the Oregon where people proudly wear shirts reading "Kiss My Country Ass," where kids stand in the middle of a dirt pen surrounded by horses and bikers for a public induction into the armed forces; where folks stand hand-over-heart to a recording of John Wayne reading a love letter to America; and where the grandstands at the Clackamas County Fair go nuts at the sight of a dude leaping off a horse and tackling a baby cow. Plus, you might get to see a guy named Cash get run over by a bull. Don't worry, he's fine.
3. Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo
We here at It List love trash TV, but we may have met our match with this TLC reality show, a hillbilly spin-off of what is now the network's second-worst creation, Toddlers and Tiaras. It's so atrocious it's hard to even like ironically...though everyone in America should see it at least once, considering it's the end of our culture as we know it.
4. Screen Editor Matt Singer imitating the mother from Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo
"AUGHAOAAAGH! It's like the words are oozing out of her head!"
Because ragging on the Streetcar is something all Portlanders can get behind.
6. A Lesson is Learned but the Damage is Irreversible returns!
Probably the greatest web comic ever is coming back after six years.
7. Hell on Wheels
Making the list for a second week (down 3 places from #4), the second season of this bloody AMC Western is still going strong. Indian raids, killing prostitutes, killing the men who kill prostitutes, that creepy Norwegian guyâwe love it.
8. K-1 coming to Spike TV
The world's greatest kickboxing promotion: the ring entrances, the corruption, Andy Souwer's super-tight shoot boxing tights. We're most looking forward to watching Zambidis lose the MAX finals on home turf.
9. Casey Jarman's "It's Not a Portland Summer Until You've..."
Making the list for an eighth week (down 4 places from #5) because it's still summer!
10. Samsung Nexus
The more Apple assures us it's EXACTLY like an iPhone, the more we want an unlocked one from overseas on a cheapo contract.