The It List: The Top 10 Things in Portland and the World
it list - casey jarman
Each week our culture scientists rank their 10 favorite things in the universe. The resulting list is infallible. The list is perfect. If you don't agree with the list, you are wrong. Some items may stay atop the list for weeks, others may only make a brief appearance. Some items are Portland-centric, but only because Portland is at the center of the universe. Please do not write to us, asking for the metrics behind the list. We will not provide source material. We will not be swayed. Bow down to the list. Love the list, as the list loves all things. Let the list move through you. (And, you know, if you have suggestions for the list, stick them in the comments section below.)
1. MusicfestNW It pays our wages so you better buy a ticket.
2. This homemade Breaking Bad shirt This is our official shirt for MusicfestNW week. Because when it comes to surviving five blistering, exhausting nights of nonstop music, you can't take no half-measures. (And with the half-season finale having come and gone, we promise this is the last time we'll mention the show in It List. Until next year, anyway.)
3. Blackberries Eat them while you can, as they will soon be gone/obscenely priced for 10 months.
4. Portland Timbers Anthem The Timbers' season might be in the gutter (even as a Cascadia Cup victory seems shockingly likely), but you'd never know it when watching this beautifully effective little piece of triumphal Timbers jingoism by Portland's Jelly Studio and Marmoset Music. The 2-minute short effectively funnels all of life—transit, deskwork, artisanal coffee, a midlist city's small and tender moments—down an ever-narrowing cone of possibility that eventually arrives at the mighty singularity of existence itself: a Timbers game at Jeld-Wen stadium. When all of life is only preparation it seems impossible they'll lose, even though history says it damn well isn't: We will all shed stoic tears under the Saturday Night Lights. Heck, you half-expect coach Eric Taylor out there on the field instead of old Gavin Wilkinson.
5. Fifty Shades of Grey: The Classical Album
From the presser: "Fifty Shades of Grey — The Classical Album aims to provide the perfect accompaniment to the Fifty Shades reading experience, setting a mysterious and alluring atmosphere with just the slightest hint of danger."
7. Mitt and Rob
With the Republican National Convention over, Mitt Romney must make a move towards the center to sway undecided voters. Comedian Rob Delaney is serving as Mitt's unofficial—and perhaps unwanted—consultant throughout this process.
8. Kids with New Zealand accents Flight of the Concords write a charity song, with the help of children. Adorbs. Also, it is either a sad indictment of the New Zealand music industry or us that the only artist we recognize in the clip is Dave "Slice of Heaven" Dobbyn.
9. Tony Romo
Motherfuck. Yes, he's only our backup quarterback—thank God—but we have also every one of his stupid receivers on our fantasy team. Fucking auto-draft. So, as Romo goes, so goes our season. DO YOU SEE THAT? DEZ BRYANT IS OPEN RIGHT THERE. FUCK! JUST THROW HIM THE BALL, ROMO!
10. These fucking dancing babies Holy fucking shit! Have you ever seen something so goddamn adorable in your miserable fucking life?!?