Each week our culture scientists rank their 10 favorite things in the universe. The resulting list is infallible. The list is perfect. If you don't agree with the list, you are wrong. Some items may stay atop the list for weeks, others may only make a brief appearance. Some items are Portland-centric, but only because Portland is at the center of the universe. Please do not write to us, asking for the metrics behind the list. We will not provide source material. We will not be swayed. Bow down to the list. Love the list, as the list loves all things. Let the list move through you. (And, you know, if you have suggestions for the list, stick them in the comments section below.)

1. Trevor Solomon
MusicfestNW's executive director always puts together an awesome music festival. Between appearances from Swans, Hot Snakes, Fucked Up, Lightning Bolt and the Men, this might have been, if not the best MFNW ever, then certainly the loudest. And in Portland, where the music scene is sometimes a tad timid, the noise was much welcome. Thanks, Trevor! And we're not just saying that because you're staring at us from down the hall.

2. Time-Based Art fest's first (very unofficial) piece of performance art 
At City Hall's fluoridation hearings on September 6, a woman allegedly stole the bag (and the written statement) of a pro-fluoridation advocate, and then inexplicably signed up to read the lobbyist's words as her own for the assembled city council. If true, it was a strange piece of identity theft in which she wanted to own not only his possessions but his thoughts. She denied stealing the bag or the speech, then loudly berated City Hall security for bruising her arms. Best impromptu performance art of the season, hours before the Time-Based Art Festival officially kicked off.

3. The Wire RPG

Oh we wish this actually existed so hard.

4. Fucked Up's Damian Abraham
At the Canadian epic-hardcore outfit's raging late-night MFNW performance at Dante's—in which the band performed its magnificent 2011 album David Comes to Life from start to finish—the, um, "singer" sometimes known as Pink Eyes earned the title of Hardest-Working Frontman of the festival. In between extolling the virtues of his home country's healthcare system and inviting the entire venue to come up and sleep on his couch, he tore through the audience, stole former WW Assistant Music Editor Michael Mannheimer's Trailblazers hat and scaled the club's rafters. Not surprisingly, playing live is apparently a great form of exercise for Abraham, as the once-girthy frontman was looking damn-near svelte.

5. Taking back the "Idiot Nerd Girl" meme
Because for serious, the "You're not a nerd because X" culture wars need to stop. You're all nerds. None of you are nerds. Who gives a fuck?

6. J Mascis' shoes at MusicfestNW


7. The leper menu at Pok Pok
If you have allergies, you must order from the Special Menu, warning you of all the things that could KILL YOU in big bold letters:

8. Blackberries
Making the list for a second week (down 5 places from #3), because they're still good. Just. Get 'em while you can!

9. The company names from the Portland Seed Fund's new class
Brandlive, CoCollage, InGrid Solutions, Wikisway... why do tech startups hate spaces so much? stupd.

10. Fifty Shades of Grey: The Classical Album
Making the list for a second week because although we haven't listened yet (really, who listens to CDs? Stop sending us antiques, PR people) it's still on our desk, calling to us, willing us to take it down to the newspaper morgue...