1. The return of the swifts
2. Cucumber gose
3. Johann Sebastian Joust
4. Mexican Mitt
As Mitt Romney continues to try to convince the American public that he is an actual human being instead of cold, calculating Political Panderbot5000, it is important to remember the exotic narrative of this son of a Mexican immigrant. Romney understands the Latino experience and espeaks espanish, ese.
5. Joaquin Phoenix's cleft palate scar in The Master
Between the actor's Oscar-lock loose-cannon performance and all the claustrophobic closeups contained in director Paul Thomas Anderson's tremendous allegory on the birth of Scientology, that thing will haunt your dreams through awards season.
6. Mirage Rock
The new Band of Horses record, as awesome as the old Band of Horses records.
7. A List of Everything Nancy Has Done on Weeds
Aww Weeds is finished? We used to watch that show. It was great. Why did we stop watching? Did we even know it was still on? Well, it's not anymore. This list is good, though.
8. Fifty Shades of Grey: The Classical Album
Making the list for a third week (up 2 places from #10), because it's still on our desk, though we still haven't listened to it. It's now buried under a small mountain of sugar-free Red Bull cans.
9. Food Party's Thu Tran at TBA
A lesson for Sam Green: if you are going to do a Power Point presentation as your Time-Based Art festival performance, it will be 86 percent better if you sing it while accompanied by live keyboard. And if it's about marijuana-laced Fruity Pebbles being eaten under a black light.
10. "Do it Anyway"
This only comes in at #10, because on the upside, it involves Fraggle Rock and Nerdist, but on the downside it involves Ben Folds: