The It List: The Top 10 Things in Portland and the World
it list - casey jarman
Each week our culture scientists rank their 10 favorite things in the universe. The resulting list is infallible. The list is perfect. If you don't agree with the list, you are wrong. Some items may stay atop the list for weeks, others may only make a brief appearance. Some items are Portland-centric, but only because Portland is at the center of the universe. Please do not write to us, asking for the metrics behind the list. We will not provide source material. We will not be swayed. Bow down to the list. Love the list, as the list loves all things. Let the list move through you. (And, you know, if you have suggestions for the list, stick them in the comments section below.)
1. Slightly colder, yet still dry weather
After months of tanning in the gloriously hot summer, Autumn is finally here to let us open up our wardrobe. Expensive bespoked suits, waistcoats, sweaters, slacks, cardigans... it's finally time to look stylish again. And you can do it all without the fear of rain cramping your style or ruining your fabrics. If nothing else, the days of seeing ugly people spilling out of their too-small hot pants, bikinis and shorts are over.
2. This commercial for Beech Street Parlor
3. Oregon's Colt Lyerla
This man-child from Hillsboro was unleashed as running back against Arizona this week, living up to his nickname "Bane."
4. Barley Brown's Citra Hot Blonde Perhaps the best chili beer ever, now on tap at Apex. It's rare to see Baker City's Barley Brown's stuff in Portland, but this stuff makes us want it to be much more common.
5. Bille Joe Armstrong's middle-age rage
Everyone talks about the band that went to jail for speaking out against their oppressive government, but for our money, nothing screams "punk rock" more than an obscenely rich 40-year-old dude in guyliner throwing a tantrum at a radio festival in Las Vegas, struggling to smash his guitar, then blaming it on substance abuse.
6. The Wilco at the Schnitz Bootleg
Oh man, so great. Wooooooo Jacksonville! Woo! Wooooooo!
7. Ticket to Ride Pocket
The excellent board game in iPhone form. It's actually superior to the meat world original, because you don't have to fiddle around with cards and tokens and keeping score, and your opponents are computers, so they're too dumb to block your path or strategize against you.
8. Rescue Pig
Sure, it's great to think this pig leapt into a pond and saved a baby goat whose foot was trapped in a rock out of sheer, swine-hearted good samaritanism, but it's even better if you imagine he was just annoyed by the goat screaming like a little bitch.
9. Fifty Shades of Grey: The Classical Album
Making the list for a fourth week (down 1 place from plast week at #8), because apparently E.L. James is in our city RIGHT THIS SECOND ZOMG.
10. Halloween Candy
In stores now! We're going to eat candy corn until we throw up.