Each week our culture scientists rank their 10 favorite things in the universe. The resulting list is infallible. The list is perfect. If you don't agree with the list, you are wrong. Some items may stay atop the list for weeks, others may only make a brief appearance. Some items are Portland-centric, but only because Portland is at the center of the universe. Please do not write to us, asking for the metrics behind the list. We will not provide source material. We will not be swayed. Bow down to the list. Love the list, as the list loves all things. Let the list move through you. (And, you know, if you have suggestions for the list, stick them in the comments section below.)
It's back in the sky since last Friday, and everyone smells like wet dog. We love this. Seriously. Our cheeks are not at all wet because we've been crying, if that's what you think.
2. Rain gear
Yes, transplants—this is why you moved to Portland.
Who's Bar Room Baby? Our favorite horse in the third race at Portland Meadows this past Sunday. Why is she our favorite? Because the program says she "hasn't shown much interest" in racing lately, and as someone whose dad tried to force us into playing organized sports as a kid, we can totally understand the impulse toward not giving much effort in an athletic competition. True to form, Bar Room Baby came in last. What a lovable loser!
5. Adrian Chen's takedown of vile Reddit troll Violentacrez
Because, seriously: fuck that guy. (The troll, not Adrian.)
Doris Bailey Murphy was a saucy, forward-thinking teenager in 1920s Portland, and now her niece Julia Park Tracey has released the first volume of her diaries. Tracey will be at the Kennedy School tonight and at the Jack London Bar tomorrow, or you can follow Doris on Twitter. Sample line: "Chuck was terribly attentive and kissed divinely. I'd sworn off cheap petting. But this wasn't cheap. Just nice." Also: "The party was inclined to be wild but I had a good time. Chuck had some gin which was atrocious to taste but heavenly when it was down." And finally: "Dear old Portland with its cool refreshing rain. And its hills and conventionalitys. I love it so."
7. The Walking Dead
For two seasons, The Walking Dead has been the most aggravating show on TV: An episodic television program about zombies, with excellent source material and the greenlight from AMC to get gorier than any basic cable series has ever before dared, which would rather have its characters talkâendlesslyâabout the ramifications of a world gone to shit rather than show them trying to survive within it. But this Sunday's premiere of Season 3 offered some hope, leading with a cold open in which no one spoke, then following with almost an hour straight of grisly undead decimation and ending with a main character having his leg hacked off with an axe. If they keep up that pace, all they need to do is kill off annoying-ass Lori and useless-ass T-Dog, and we'll finally have ourselves a decent show.
Every year, Science magazine holds a contest called "Dance Your Ph.D." in which Ph.D candidates... yeah, you get the idea. The winner gets $1,000 and a trip to Belgium. This year's winner is Peter Liddicoat from the University of Sydney, performing his thesis "Nanostructural hierarchy increases the strength of aluminium alloys"
Alright, Romo, you worthless son-of-a-bitch, Drew Brees is CARRYING this fantasy team ON HIS BACK and Nate Washington playing well enough to keep your little pal Dez Bryant on the bench all season so all we really, really needed was for you to not play like the sack of shit we all know you are on the Saints' bye week. And, thank Christ, you rose to the occasion and turned in a respectable 21-point performance. Brees still has double as many points as your overrated ass, the Cowboys lost, and you threw a dumb pickâbut all that matters not. You're a hero to us for acquitting yourself well enough to not bring shame to fantasy owners reluctantly forced to maintain your employ. Good job, Tony. Pop some champagne, you fucking clown.
10. Cat bounce!
Look at 'em go.