Each week our culture scientists rank their 10 favorite things in the universe. The resulting list is infallible. The list is perfect. If you don't agree with the list, you are wrong. Some items may stay atop the list for weeks, others may only make a brief appearance. Some items are Portland-centric, but only because Portland is at the center of the universe. Please do not write to us, asking for the metrics behind the list. We will not provide source material. We will not be swayed. Bow down to the list. Love the list, as the list loves all things. Let the list move through you. (And, you know, if you have suggestions for the list, stick them in the comments section below.) 

1. A Punter Wins the Super Bowl
4. Fast and Furious 6
5. The Calvin Klein Super Bowl Ad

5. Laurie Notaro Discourages Phoenicians From Moving to Portland 
Now, true, Laurie Notaro has not lived a day in Portland, instead dwelling in the giant truckstop town of Eugene, but we still appreciate what she's doing here. Best of all, she furthers the fiction that there is only one Voodoo Doughnut, the one with the big line, and that Phoenicians should wait in it rather than coming to our pleasant East Side location.

6. Surfer Kai Wins the Internet
Smash! Smash! Suhmash! That is all.

7. Grantland’s 30 Rock Eulogy
“A farce about the pragmatic limits of ambition aimed a lot of its own ambition at the comedy of race.”

8. The Questionnaire, by Jiri Grusa
So an unemployable Czech walks into an employment office… and tells them everything. Everything at all. From the beginning. It is wonderful. And it is like no other book in any language, except other books that are also like no other.

9. Drunk Orson Welles, on Wine
Never gets old. Never dies.

10. Closing Out the Fertile Ground Festival With a “Penis Noir” Joke
Although, we’re pretty sure it’s pronounced pay-NEE.