Each week our culture scientists rank their 10 favorite things in the universe. The resulting list is infallible. The list is perfect. If you don't agree with the list, you are wrong. Some items may stay atop the list for weeks, others may only make a brief appearance. Some items are Portland-centric, but only because Portland is at the center of the universe. Please do not write to us, asking for the metrics behind the list. We will not provide source material. We will not be swayed. Bow down to the list. Love the list, as the list loves all things. Let the list move through you. (And, you know, if you have suggestions for the list, stick them in the comments section below.) 

1. “Tired and Emotional” Morrissey
2. This Lost Beaver
Only the finest police escort for Oregon's state animal. 


3. Deandre Jordan's Dunk of the Year 
Because you'll be seeing it in NBA highlight reels for years to come. 

4. Atmospheric Hot Flashes, Part III

Friday is the apparently the day to be alive and outside in Portland, Oregon. Monday is not. The Portland weather continues its menopausal freakouts and temperature retractions.

5. House of Cards

Netflix seems to have inadvertently discovered HBO’s business model: Run scads of movies we’ve already seen or never wanted to see, then supplement with a self-serious dramatic series that’s just bad enough—and just good enough—that everyone wants to see it. Also, we’ve decided that if Isla Fisher is the missing link between Anna Kendrick and Amy Adams, Cards’ Kate Mara is the missing link between Anna Kendrick and Jennifer Love Hewitt. Strange, but scientifically verified to be true!

6. Matt Singer in Google Glasses
It's coming, because if our music editor does not come back from SXSW with a picture of himself wearing Google Glasses we will be driving him back to the airport. 

7. Grimm Fire Sale
Want to buy a $2.5 million house? Apparently, this gated estate was used in an as-yet-unaired episode of Grimm. Ostensibly this is a pot-sweetener, but our real guess as to the reason for the sale? They’re totally trying to sell the damn thing off before its property values are lowered by association with that awful, awful TV show. Episode airs April 5, after which (we’re convinced) the house will be half-price.

8. Stanley Elkin's Paris Review Interview

"My editor at Random House, Joe Fox, used to tell me, “Stanley, less is more.” He wanted to strike—oh, he had a marvelous eye for the “good” stuff—and that’s what he wanted to strike. I had to fight him tooth and nail in the better restaurants to maintain excess because I don’t believe that less is more. I believe that more is more. I believe that less is less, fat fat, thin thin and enough is enough."

9. Pottie Shot Urinal Screens
According to the radio ad we heard last week, this local sports-themed urinal screen company has some sort of promotional tie-in going with Oregonian sports columnist and Bald Faced Truth host John Canzano. If this means we can now literally piss on John Canzano, we'll take four, please!

10. This Stanford Magazine Article on Lipreading
Which happens to be a very clear window in on something most people would never understand intuitively. We like such things. We like such things very much.