Willamette Weekend: 13 Things to Do and See in Portland, March 22-24

Friday, March 22

Bob Saget
[COMEDY] Does it get more vulgar than Bob Saget? Probably. But when the jokes are coming from a man who made his name in a family sitcom, it’s just that much raunchier. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643- 8669. 8 pm Thursday, 7:30 pm and 10 pm Friday-Saturday, March 21-23. $30-$35.

Chelsea Light Moving 
[MUSIC] Face it: Sonic Youth is done. Take heart: After 30 years, Thurston Moore will never be able to move on completely, and his new project bears all the characteristics of his beloved indie-rock monolith, from the dissonant guitars to his beat-inspired speak-singing. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

Jai Ho!: Cheb-i-Sabbah
[DANCE PARTY] Chebi-Sabbah DJs world-fusion music, often taking his cues from Middle Eastern, African and South Asian traditions. His life is even more cosmopolitan. It began in Algeria in 1947, where he was born into a Jewish-Arabic family, and continued in 1964, when he moved to Paris and started spinning soul records. After meeting world fusion pioneer Don Cherry in New York, he relocated to San Francisco in the ’80s and began developing his unique style. The warehouse parties of the ’90s were his proving ground and, ultimately, his launch pad. To top it all off, Cheb-i-Sabbah has just beaten cancer. He may be aging, but Cheb-i- Sabbah can still spin global grooves with the best of them. MITCH LILLIE. Refuge, 116 SE Yamhill St. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

Hard Times Come Again No More
[THEATER] Meridel LeSueur’s socialist-tinged tales of life in depression-era Minneapolis are the meat and bones of Hard Times Come Again No More, an effort by contemporary playwright Martha Boesing to draw attention to LeSueur’s fiction. Co-directed by Lorraine Bahr and Jim Davis for Sowelu Theater, Hard Times is set largely in a boarding house owned by the maternal Mrs. Mason (Nancy Wilson), who is initially unconcerned with the truckers’ strike her itinerant tenant Karl (Evan Honer) is helping to organize. Suddenly, strangely and successfully, the cast bursts into “It’s Only a Paper Moon,” with all the gesturing of a musical. It’s the first of 10 such interludes, and each time the cast breaks into song in a down-to-earth manner that’s believably realistic. As the play moves on, tensions boil over and the strike begins to have an effect. The batty old lady upstairs begs, “Touch us! We’re here!” If considering the vivid realism and relevance of these characters, she’s got a point: Hard Times succeeds in making tangible humans out of its characters. MITCH LILLIE. Performance Works NW, 4625 SE 67th Ave., 568-4017. 7:30 pm Thursday- Friday, 2 and 7:30 pm Saturday, March 21-23. $12-$25 sliding scale.

Portland Baroque Orchestra
[CLASSICAL] One of Europe’s most respected contemporary Baroque music conductors, Rinaldo Alessandrini, leads our local period-instrument specialists (who just got a lot of practice playing George Frideric Handel’s music in Portland Opera’s current production of Rinaldo ) in one of the most ebullient works of the era: Handel’s Water Music. Commissioned by King George I, the music was first played for him on a barge in the Thames, and he liked it so much he demanded two complete encores. Modern audiences have similar feelings, as it remains one of the most popular Baroque hits. The concert contains another exuberant Baroque masterpiece: dance music from Jean- Philippe Rameau’s Les Boréades. Sunday’s performance is at Reed College’s Kaul Auditorium (3203 SE Woodstock Blvd.). First Baptist Church, 909 SW 11th Ave., 222-6000. 7:30 pm Friday, 3 pm Saturday- Sunday, March 22-24. $18-$54.


Saturday, March 23

Toast
[DRINKS!] Whiskey, vodka, tequila, brandy, absinthe, aquavit and about 99 more. Cheers! There will be 50 distillers bringing spirits for sipping and bottles to buy at America’s largest artisan spirits expo. An on-site food-cart court balances the booze. World Trade Center Sky Bridge Terrace, 121 SW Salmon St. 5-10 pm Friday, 1-10 pm Saturday, March 22-23. $20 advance, $25 day of event. 21+.

Richard Hell
[BOOKS] Richard Hell is punk’s patient zero, and he’s got the stories to prove it. His new autobiography is a brutally honest account of a life spent in a state of constant escape, and all the sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll to go along with it. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228- 4651. 4 pm. Free.

PDX Bicycle Show
[BIKES] It’s like an auto expo...for bikes. Cycle over to the Expo Center to buy new gear, test-ride handmade frames, listen to seminars by experts or roll the indoor pump track. Portland Expo Center, Hall E, 2060 N Marine Drive. 10 am-5 pm Saturday, 10 am-4 pm Sunday, March 23-24. $10, kids 12 and under free with adult. pedalnationevents.com.

Bearded Civil War
[HAIR] Beardos from Oregon and Washington compete in a freestyle bearding competition. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy Blvd., 238-0543. 8 pm. $15 to compete, $10 admission. 21+. 

Ted Leo, Deathfix
[PUNK EVOLUTION] There’s much to talk about with this show. For one, it marks the return of Ted Leo, the punk- and reggae-inspired musician who arrives without his crack backing band, the Pharmacists, and soon after the formation of the duo #BOTH with fellow singer-songwriter Aimee Mann. This show also welcomes Deathfix to Portland for the first time. The new project from ex-Fugazi member Brendan Canty will force fans of Canty’s former band to make quite a mental adjustment, as in place of agitprop aggression, this outfit takes a looser, glammier approach that follows cues from influences such as Pere Ubu and This Heat. ROBERT HAM. Backspace, 115 NW 5th Ave., 248-2900. 9 pm. $10. All ages.


Sunday, March 24

The Merry Wives of Windsor, or the Amorous Adventures of the Comical Knight Sir John Falstaff
[THEATER] Bag & Baggage’s Merry Wives of Windsor begins with a tap-dancing pack of cigarettes, an outrageous opener even for the bawdy bard. But this Merry Wives isn’t Shakespeare. It’s a 1647 rewrite by unsung playwright John Dennis, reimagined by director Scott Palmer as a 1950s black-and-white television show. The production goes fullthrottle ‘50s with comedic overacting, a flashing applause sign and cheesy product placement. But Falstaff and the cuckolds of Windsor are Shakespearean as ever, as two young lovers hatch a marriage plot and the merry mistresses fall into their own amorous caper. Michael Kutner’s irritating overacting distracts, but when done well this reinvention is delightfully entertaining. Gary Strong impressively balances ye olde comedie and retro melodrama as the famously fat seducer. Who knew the 1950s and the 1500s would make such a good pair? ENID SPITZ. The Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 345- 9590. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays through March 24. $18-$26.

Foxygen, Pure X
[AVANT-PSYCH POP] Sometimes it takes a band a few years— and more than 10 self-produced records—before it finally comes into its own. Jonathan Rado and Sam France, aka Foxygen, only recently released their debut full-length after signing with Jagjaguwar Records last year. Their music, produced and honed by Shins keyboardist Richard Swift, is the kind of sonically layered hodgepodge of glam rock and psychedelia you’d expect to be an 8-track exclusive. The duo’s most recent release, We Are the 21st Century Ambassadors of Peace & Magic , follows the same vein as its debut—a quirky concoction that sounds a bit like a modern Bowie- Jagger love child, which actually isn’t the toughest thing to imagine. BRANDON WIDDER. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8:30 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

Ducktails, Widowspeak, Mark McGuire
[AMBIENT INDIE ROCK] Lead guitarist Matt Mondanile is seemingly becoming less and less lonesome as the days go on. Performing under the moniker Ducktails, the New Jersey-based musician’s solo endeavor is no longer just a side project but a full-blooded collaborative venture complete with all the hallmarks of a full-blown band. With its most recent release, The Flower Lane , Ducktails’ discography now contains four albums brimming with airy vocals, swirling synths and sounds that echo— but never mirror—Mondanile’s main project, Real Estate. Although the bane of the album is its split personality, consistently treading between psychedelic pop hooks and melancholy funk-tinged jams, it’s also its most alluring feature. Now, if only the name didn’t remind us of a Disney cartoon. BRANDON WIDDER. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12. 21+.