No one wants to read that pounding two tablets of ibuprofen after the Big Float could cause severe stomach bleeding. Nor do I want to read any prescription label highlighting the laundry-list of potential hazards that might ensue — drowsiness, headaches, death — if I use any run-of-the-mill pain reliever. I’ve never, however, read a drug label warning me of my potential for spontaneous combustion, the inability to say the word “onion,” or simply, awesomeness. Welcome come to the drug known as “Gaytheist.”

Gaytheist's fourth album, Hold Me...But Not So Tight, is a lean, 30-minute onslaught of some punk-metal hybrid, hellbent on bringing singer-guitarist Jason Rivera’s qualms about living in an ever-increasing digital age to the forefront of Portland rock. The band’s latest music video for the album’s third cut, “Stomach Pains,” looks just as painful as the real deal.

Let’s be honest though: Most of us skim over warning labels like the fine print they are. But apparently some over-the-counter drugs, in this case humorously sold by soon to be departing Portland funnyman Ian Karmel, will leave you breathing fire and flying across the room as if a trio of headlamp-clad miners were barreling through a minute-long cut of pure, no-frills rock in the nether regions of your body. I still don’t know what would be worse: an alien popping out of your chest, or Rivera bursting through your stomach.