November 14th, 2008 5:33 pm | by AARON MESH News | Posted In: CLEAN UP, CLEAN UP, CLEAN UP

Milk Premieres Tonight, Wendy and Lucy Tomorrow. Which One Should You See?

Tags: Animals, gay

This is the weekend the Northwest Film and Video Festival officially turns into an embarrassment of riches: Gus Van Sant's Milk premieres tonight at the Albert Schnitzer Concert Hall, while Kelly Reichardt's Wendy and Lucy makes its local debut tomorrow night in the Portland Art Museum's Whitsell Auditorium. As a cinephile, and a citizen of this fine filmmaking capital, it is your duty to attend one of these screenings.

But which one? After all, your weekend time is precious. You have bars to make an appearance at, strippers to tip, Hot Pockets to burn in the microwave. Without your participation in these activities, our economy would grind to a halt. So clearly, you're going to have to make a decision here.

Which is why we've provided a helpful quiz.

Please answer the following questions honestly, and you'll know which red carpet to hit:

1. Are you gay?

2. Do you want to assure your gay friends that you would never have voted for Proposition 8, and in fact are aware of the groundbreaking civil-rights legacy of Harvey Milk?

3. Are you a Californian who actually voted for Proposition 8, and are thus badly in need of education about the groundbreaking civil-rights legacy of Harvey Milk?

4. Are you afraid of dogs? Lost dogs, especially?

5. Do your prefer your tragic figures to be nattily dressed and stirringly eloquent, as opposed to borderline-indigent and mousily poignant?

6. Did you dislike Gus Van Sant's last four movies? (Those would be Gerry , Elephant , Last Days and Paranoid Park .)

7. Do you live next to the Walgreens on North Lombard Street, and thus would appreciate never having to see it again?

8. Are you afraid of Will Oldham?

9. Do you have between $37.75 and $71.75 to donate to Outside In?

10. Do you own any dress clothes? Would you like to wear them now?

There. Now all you have to do is tally your answers. Add one point for each "yes," and no points for each "no." If your score is more than five, then you're going to Milk ! If your score is five or less, you're going to Wendy and Lucy ! (Question six is a trick question, since Kelly Reichardt's new movie is more likely to be like Gus Van Sant's last four movies than Gus Van Sant's new movie is like his last four movies. Threw you a curveball there.) No, you don't have to thank us. Just buy us a drink after the Wendy and Lucy screening.
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