Nobody Works AnyMore: Quintuple Methadone Dose For Pachyderm Junkie

Nobody Works Any More: Animal Edition!

First thing, let's get the cuteness out of the way:

Okay, on to the news:

The elephant in the room. The BBC reports that handlers fed an Asian elephant heroin-spiked bananas, which seems totally irresponsible.

Strategically placed stickers and flesh-colored underwear. PETA pays hot, sexy, desperate models to go "nude" for PR animal rights.

13 golf balls removed from the stomach of photogenic puppy. "One of the balls had been in his stomach so long that it had turned black and was decomposing." Or, insert "balls" punchline here.

Check out more reasons Nobody Works Anymore here!