Home · Articles · By JOHN LOCANTHI
 

Kingsman: The Secret Service

kingsman

Critic’s Grade: A-

James Bond is inherently silly. An immaculately dressed, suave gentleman spy spitting out witty one-liners as he thwarts a supervillain’s plan for world domination, picking up hot chicks and dispatching with countless anonymous henchmen along the way. Sean Connery’s Bond understood that it was all a big goof. Roger Moore’s Bond got this. Even Timothy Dalt...   More
 
Thursday, February 12, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Fifty Shades of Gus

The missing tampon scene from the director that could have been.


Movie Reviews & Stories
The much-anticipated film adaptation of the mega-successful erotic fanfic novel Fifty Shades of Grey hits theaters this week. Fifty Shades, which entered this world as Twilight fan fiction, has so   More
 
Wednesday, February 11, 2015 JOHN LOCANTHI

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

Beyond the sea.


Movie Reviews & Stories
SpongeBob SquarePants is an absurdist red herring of a children’s television show. Sure, it has the requisite fart and poop jokes and the warm, treacly center common to the format, but it al   More
 
Wednesday, February 4, 2015 JOHN LOCANTHI

Haute-N-Ready: DDIY (Double Down It Yourself)

Why let the most exciting Double Downs be trapped in Asian markets?

john_locanthi_haute

Welcome to Haute-N-Ready, in which John Locanthi, Willamette Week’s trencherman of leisure, tastes the hastily made, modestly priced food of the common man.
Unless you’ve been on Mars for the last week, in a cave, with your eyes shut and your fingers in your ea...   More
 
Tuesday, January 27, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Chekhov's EpiPen: The Boy Next Door Reviewed

2438_d013_00287r_crop

Critic's Grade: DThe Boy Next Door wastes no time. In its first few minutes, it half-assedly skims over the strained marriage of high-school teacher Claire Peterson (Jennifer Lopez). In the next few minutes, Claire is seduced by her 19-year-old neighbor, Noah Sandborn (Ryan Guzman), who’s evidently come straight from the J. Crew spring catalog. This hunk promptly transforms into a ...   More
 
Thursday, January 22, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Haute-N-Ready: Crunchwrap Tasting

Crunchwraps supreme, A.M. and slider, oh my!

john_locanthi_haute

Welcome to Haute-N-Ready, in which John Locanthi, Willamette Week’s trencherman of leisure, tastes the hastily made, modestly priced food of the common man.
Taco Bell has undergone a few changes since Glen Bell started selling tacos at his hot dog drive-in in the...   More
 
Tuesday, January 20, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Bromance Revisited: The Wedding Ringer Reviewed

wedding-ringer-the-wr-pk-01_df-01583_r_rgb

Critic's Grade: D+
Weddings are one of life’s defining moments—a moment when two people pledge their everlasting love to each other in front of family, friends and their parents’ business associates. They are also, it turns out, when men realize they have no friends, and thus no groomsmen. That, at least, is the conceit in The Wedding Ringer, a new Kevin Hart vehicle that fo...   More
 
Friday, January 16, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

The Perfect Poop

What to know about your excrement.


Health Issue
Everyone poops Different animals make different kinds of poop Different shapes Different colors Even different smells —From Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi Everyone poops. While the children��   More
 
Wednesday, January 7, 2015 JOHN LOCANTHI

Haute-N-Ready: Yumbo!

Burger King bumps ham & cheese up from the secret menu with retro flare

john_locanthi_haute

Welcome to Haute-N-Ready, in which John Locanthi, Willamette Week’s trencherman of leisure, tastes the hastily made, modestly priced food of the common man.
With the year 2015 finally upon us, the column and at least one fast food joint are taking a moment to wax...   More
 
Tuesday, January 6, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

UPDATE: City of Oregon, Ohio, Will Not Ruin Own Good Name Because #Sprots (POLL)

With Oregon Ducks playing the Ohio State Buckeyes for the college football title, this suburb of Toledo picks a side

oregonohio

UPDATED: Per Toledo's ABC affiliate (with a tip of the hat to Deadspin), the mayor of Oregon, Ohio, has decided that ...   More
 
Sunday, January 4, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI
 

Web Design for magazines

Close
Close
Close