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A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night: Movie Review

Love and other things in Bad City.


Movie Reviews & Stories
Writer-director Ana Lily Amirpour’s A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night is an eclectic cinematic mishmash: an Iranian noir-spaghetti Western-love story…with vampires. And yet, somehow, it all wo   More
 
Wednesday, February 18, 2015 JOHN LOCANTHI

Haute-N-Ready: Bacon and Blue on Brioche

It would be our pleasure if you would dine with me at Wendy's

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Welcome to Haute-N-Ready, in which John Locanthi, Willamette Week’s trencherman of leisure, tastes the hastily made, modestly priced food of the common man.
No matter where they started, fast food chains that last long enough invariably end up in their own niche....   More
 
Tuesday, February 17, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Fifty Shades of Grey Reviewed

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Critic’s Grade: D

Fifty Shades of Grey is one of the landmark works of the new millenium, the novel that proved definitively Americans will suffer through anything for a few fleeting moments of titillation. Hollywood producers are banking on that success extending to cinema.

There are moments—especially early on—when Fifty Shades of Grey looks like it�...   More
 
Thursday, February 12, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Kingsman: The Secret Service

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Critic’s Grade: A-

James Bond is inherently silly. An immaculately dressed, suave gentleman spy spitting out witty one-liners as he thwarts a supervillain’s plan for world domination, picking up hot chicks and dispatching with countless anonymous henchmen along the way. Sean Connery’s Bond understood that it was all a big goof. Roger Moore’s Bond got this. Even Timothy Dalt...   More
 
Thursday, February 12, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Fifty Shades of Gus

The missing tampon scene from the director that could have been.


Movie Reviews & Stories
The much-anticipated film adaptation of the mega-successful erotic fanfic novel Fifty Shades of Grey hits theaters this week. Fifty Shades, which entered this world as Twilight fan fiction, has so   More
 
Wednesday, February 11, 2015 JOHN LOCANTHI

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

Beyond the sea.


Movie Reviews & Stories
SpongeBob SquarePants is an absurdist red herring of a children’s television show. Sure, it has the requisite fart and poop jokes and the warm, treacly center common to the format, but it al   More
 
Wednesday, February 4, 2015 JOHN LOCANTHI

Haute-N-Ready: DDIY (Double Down It Yourself)

Why let the most exciting Double Downs be trapped in Asian markets?

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Welcome to Haute-N-Ready, in which John Locanthi, Willamette Week’s trencherman of leisure, tastes the hastily made, modestly priced food of the common man.
Unless you’ve been on Mars for the last week, in a cave, with your eyes shut and your fingers in your ea...   More
 
Tuesday, January 27, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Chekhov's EpiPen: The Boy Next Door Reviewed

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Critic's Grade: DThe Boy Next Door wastes no time. In its first few minutes, it half-assedly skims over the strained marriage of high-school teacher Claire Peterson (Jennifer Lopez). In the next few minutes, Claire is seduced by her 19-year-old neighbor, Noah Sandborn (Ryan Guzman), who’s evidently come straight from the J. Crew spring catalog. This hunk promptly transforms into a ...   More
 
Thursday, January 22, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Haute-N-Ready: Crunchwrap Tasting

Crunchwraps supreme, A.M. and slider, oh my!

john_locanthi_haute

Welcome to Haute-N-Ready, in which John Locanthi, Willamette Week’s trencherman of leisure, tastes the hastily made, modestly priced food of the common man.
Taco Bell has undergone a few changes since Glen Bell started selling tacos at his hot dog drive-in in the...   More
 
Tuesday, January 20, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Bromance Revisited: The Wedding Ringer Reviewed

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Critic's Grade: D+
Weddings are one of life’s defining moments—a moment when two people pledge their everlasting love to each other in front of family, friends and their parents’ business associates. They are also, it turns out, when men realize they have no friends, and thus no groomsmen. That, at least, is the conceit in The Wedding Ringer, a new Kevin Hart vehicle that fo...   More
 
Friday, January 16, 2015 by JOHN LOCANTHI
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