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Dr. Know


Dr. Know
I grow weary of having half my net income go to my landlord’s equity. Could I get myself a camper (maybe even build it myself) and park it around town—either in somebody’s backyard ...   More
 
Wednesday, September 1, 2010 MARTY SMITH

Dr. Know


Dr. Know
Why do all the neighborhood ice cream trucks play that horrid, annoying “The Entertainer” endlessly? It’s not a traditional ice cream chime; why so common now? I expect to see some ...   More
 
Wednesday, August 25, 2010 MARTY SMITH

Dr. Know


Dr. Know
Driving down Burnside this week, I was shocked to see that every Portlander’s favorite sculpture, the creepy devil’s-scrotum-on-wheels across from Powell’s, was missing its disconc ...   More
 
Wednesday, August 18, 2010 MARTY SMITH

Dr. Know


Dr. Know
On Friday, Aug. 6, at approximately 6 pm, I noticed an eerie, multicolored shimmering in the sky over the West Hills. Was this an interdimensional anomaly, or simply the Energy Beings commemorating ...   More
 
Wednesday, August 11, 2010 MARTY SMITH

Dr. Know


Dr. Know
Summer is passing me by, Doc, and I still haven’t thrown a barbecue. One problem: I live in a studio apartment. There is a park by my house, though. Can I drag my buns (along with my burgers a ...   More
 
Wednesday, August 4, 2010 MARTY SMITH

Dr. Know


Dr. Know
When my Boston-born girlfriend complained about summer’s late start this year, I said real Portlanders know our summers start and end later than they do back east. She says I’m crazy, be ...   More
 
Wednesday, July 28, 2010 MARTY SMITH

Dr. Know


Dr. Know
Recently, while walking to the MAX stop, I was attacked by crows. They followed me for a short distance, swooping at my head in turn. Five days later the same thing happened in the same spot, while ...   More
 
Wednesday, July 21, 2010 MARTY SMITH

Dr. Know


Dr. Know
Recently at Kitchen Kaboodle, my preferred purveyor of yuppie accoutrements, I was given a shopping bag printed with an enormous proclamation reading, “Reuse me! I’m recyclable! Throw me ...   More
 
Wednesday, July 14, 2010 MARTY SMITH

Dr. Know


Dr. Know
My Internet provider is a neighbor, either generous or clueless, whose wireless router I access. On clear days, I get great reception all over my apartment. But as soon as a few clouds roll in, I ha ...   More
 
Wednesday, July 7, 2010 MARTY SMITH

Dr. Know


Dr. Know
Every summer, fireworks stands blossom like mushrooms after a spring rain. Where do they come from? Where do they go? Can the people who work in them really live all year on the proceeds from two we ...   More
 
Wednesday, June 30, 2010 MARTY SMITH
 

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