Al-Farouq Amin-WHO?

A FAQ On the Blazers' New Forward.

aminu

News
Uhh…who? Al-Farouq Aminu is an NBA combo forward known mostly entirely for his defense. He is now a Portland Trail Blazer, the first signing of the NBA free-agency season. He will be making $30 million over four years. $30 million, huh? Seems like an awful lot of money! Karl Marx’s ideas about workers and management sharing profits has thus far only really taken root in the world of profess— Oh, ...   More
 
Wednesday, July 1, 2015 CORBIN SMITH

We'll Always Have Portland

Au revoir Nic Batum, and thanks for all the nut-punches.

nicolas-batum

News
Hey! How is your summer going? Gardening, chilling on the Willamette docks, dining outside, smoking weed on hills. Oregon summers: It doesn’t get any better!  If I were you, I would throw this article in the trash before you read it, because, if you ask me, the Portland Trail Blazers are strictly a wintertime activity, a refuge from the rain and the omnipresent gray. Just ignore everything that ...   More
 
Thursday, June 25, 2015 CORBIN SMITH

The Blazers Off-Season Report

Who's staying? Who's likely going? What the hell is happening?!?!

culture_blazers.widea

News
Oh, hello there! Welcome to my Blazers Offseason Bungalow, deep in the woods. I like to sit in here with a tall glass of orange juice and consider things that aren't the Portland Trail Blazers. For instance: hummingbirds. They are birds but they share many behaviors with bugs. How exactly did this happen? Are, perhaps, birds and bugs not so dissimilar? If this is the case, how different are we ...   More
 
Tuesday, May 5, 2015 CORBIN SMITH

Blazers Playoff Recap: Round 1, Game 5

That's game.

Grizzly Bear

News
NBA PLAYOFFS FIRST ROUND // GAME 5, PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS @ MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES Final Score: MEM - 99, POR - 93 To be honest, the season was over when they lost Game 3.  No one has ever come back, and when someone does, it won’t be after a pair of 15-point losses where they looked like their fingernails were getting torn out.  Or maybe it was over when they drew the Grizzlies. They’ve ...   More
 
Thursday, April 30, 2015 CORBIN SMITH

Blazers Playoff Recap: Round 1, Game 4

CJ and Baby Sabonis (© Shaq) pull the Blazers back from the brink.

grizzly chair

News
NBA PLAYOFFS FIRST ROUND // GAME 4, MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES @ PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS Final Score: POR - 99, MEM - 92 You'll forgive me if it seemed like they were doomed. I opened the program and saw this listed under "Tonight's Quote":"We tried to get back in the game. The crowd was into it. We never give up. We keep fighting." — Nicolas Batum, after Game 3. Was this suppose to inspire whomever read ...   More
 
Tuesday, April 28, 2015 CORBIN SMITH

Blazers Playoff Recap: Round 1, Game 3

These are the end times.

grizzlydeer

News
NBA PLAYOFFS FIRST ROUND // GAME 3, MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES @ PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS  Final Score: MEM - 115, POR - 109 I would not call the pregame atmosphere juiced. This is a contest complete with dread, fear and loathing. The Blazers have been worked in both of their games, injuries stacked like crackers at the Dippery*, Lillard in the throes of a basketball crisis, cause ...   More
 
Sunday, April 26, 2015 CORBIN SMITH

Blazers Playoff Recap: Round 1, Game 2

The Blazers are a pain in the Grizzlies' collective foot—but like Mike Conley, they're playing through it.

brown_bear_us_fish_2

News
NBA PLAYOFFS FIRST ROUND // GAME 2, PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS @ MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES Final Score: POR - 82, MEM - 97 Observe TNT sideline reporter Lewis Johnson. Johnson came back from halftime with a story about Mike Conley’s foot pain. “Where does it hurt?” he asked. Mike said, “About here,” and Lewis said, “OK, I have all the information and materials I need for a diagram. I also ...   More
 
Wednesday, April 22, 2015 CORBIN SMITH

The Blazers Don't Lose To Spanish Players, But They Will Punch Them In The Crotch Now And Then

Who's to blame for Portland's locker room sign mock-controversy? Naturally, it goes back to Rudy Fernandez.

batum nut punch screen shot

News
Athletes like motivational signs. In any room with 10-20 athletes, they will spring up from nothing. “ALWAYS COMPETE!” “SQUASH!” “BLEED FOR THE TEAM!” “IF YOU AIN’T LOSING A HAND, YOU AIN’T GIVING ENOUGH OF YOUR HAND FOR THE TEAM!” These sorts of signs are like the competitive pollen to make winning nectar. You can’t make sports happen without them. Recently, John Canzano—a ...   More
 
Tuesday, April 21, 2015 CORBIN SMITH

Blazers Playoff Recap: Round 1, Game 1

So that happened.

grizzly_bear_cubs

News
NBA PLAYOFFS FIRST ROUND // GAME 1, PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS @ MEMPHIS GRIZZLIESFinal Score: POR - 86, MEM - 100A word, first, for Beno Udrih.  Beno, for Lord only knows what reason, what confluence of stars, what possessing Earth Majick, what horror show of bonding and separating chemicals in his body, lives to absolutely light the Blazers up. The Blazers' bad point-guard defenders and scheme, ...   More
 
Monday, April 20, 2015 CORBIN SMITH

NBA Playoff Preview, Round 1: Portland Trail Blazers vs. Memphis Grizzlies

Welcome to the Infirmary Series! May the least injured team win!

grizzly_bear_at_wild_animal_sanctuary (1)

News
Good afternoon! The Portland Trail Blazers, Portland’s second most popular basketball team (behind Stephen Malkmus’s Portland Parks and Rec Squad, “The Trigger Cuts”) are IN THE NBA PLAYOFFS! If you are a fan of this team, I say to you: CONGRATULATIONS! Here is a Blazers-themed cake for you to celebrate with! Unless you have been living in a hole watching basketball and doing almost nothing ...   More
 
Friday, April 17, 2015 CORBIN SMITH

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