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Second round, baby! There is truly no playoff round as luxurious as the NBA Conference Semifinals. The rabble of the first round have been weeded out by their own failings, but the asinine, teary-eyed porky white dudes crying into their Hot Beefs because the moment is moving them so profoundly, the victory so crisp and pure and SIGNIFICANT haven't shown up yet. It's just high level basketball played in a HIGH STAKES scenario.
And the Blazers get to be there while it happens! Here's a BRIEF FAQ:
WHO ARE THE BLAZERS SQUARING OFF WITH?
The Golden State Warriors!
WHEN ARE THE GAMES AND WHERE CAN I WATCH THEM!?
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THIS WARRIORS TEAM. ARE THEY GOOD?
They are, literally, the greatest NBA team in history.
C'MON. YOU'RE BULSHITTING ME.
No, I'm not! They are! They won 73 regular season games, overtaking the 1995-96 Bulls for the all time NBA regular season wins record.
UHH, BUT THE BLAZERS CAN STILL BEAT THEM RIGHT? THE BLAZERS ONLY WON 29 FEWER GAMES, THIS THING IS PRETTY MUCH A TOSS-UP RIGHT?
No, it's not.
BUT STEPH CURRY IS INJURED! SURELY, THEY WILL FALL APART WITHOUT HIM!? WHO ARE THESE BUMS!?
Yeah, and the Blazers' best chance in the series is to seize that early advantage (Steph will be back later in the series) and hope that they can win enough games that and pray that their not-great guard defense can keep Curry under, oh, 50, in one of the later games.
But, guys: It's not that easy. The Warriors might be down their best player, but they spent plenty of time without him this year (9 games, if memory serves right. I'm not checking.) and still managed to become the greatest team of all time.
A lot of that comes from Draymond Green, the Warriors' grand basketball Chimera. Draymond guards wings about as well as anyone in the NBA, is a good playmaker in the half court and a STUNNING playmaker in the open court. He racks up steals, bearfisting the ball out of another dude's hands, however he can get them. He plays center in the Warriors' legendary small lineups, spreading the floor with shooting, tormenting pick and roll players with his menacing length, and using his girth and length to stifle anyone who decides to test him in the post. He is also a liiiiitle dirty and glorious jerk who says fun things to reporters. I wish Draymond Green was on the Blazers, and also that he was my dad.
Klay Thompson is on the team as well. He does not inspire me, or anyone. He is an extraordinarily good shooter and he went to WSU. Let's move on. The best bench player in the NBA is Andre Iguodala. Epochal defender, gifted playmaker. Will work to fill the playmaking gap with Curry riding pine. Andrew Bogut is a very dirty Australian center. Leandro Barbosa and Marreese Speights are international treasures. Shaun Livingston is their backup point guard, a playmaker with some post up ability. He will start in Curry's absence.
The Warriors play hard and long and together and with a sense of purpose you and I couldn't possibly imagine. They make the Blazers look like jittery puppies.
BUT EVEN JITTERY PUPPIES HAVE TEETH! RIGHT!?
I guess? I wouldn't get your hopes up. There is a wave of destiny at work here. If, somehow, the Blazers stopped it, it would be a glorious moment. Hang a "WE BEAT THE WARRIORS" banner. But it's so, so, unlikely.
Not to mention, the only reward would be facing the LaMarcus Aldridge and the just-as-frightening Spurs in the second round. If the Blazers beat them, too, and then beat the Cavs or whoever, but, really, honestly, the Cavs, they would be the Greatest Playoff Team Of All Time That Was Occasionally Actively Bad In The Regular Season, and that really is just some very unlikely happenings.
Willamette Week