Reindeer Bitching and Aries Spears: What to Watch on Portland Stages Dec. 16-22

The best Theater, Comedy and Dance this week.

OPENINGS & PREVIEWS

A Midsummer Night's Dream A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Celtic Crossing

Portland Brass Quintet and festive troupe Revels are going Celtic for the holidays. Turning from the California/Oregon discussion to the late 19th-century migration of Irish to New York, they'll perform a traditional American Wake, the send-off travelers held on their ship while crossing the Atlantic. Celtic Crossing is a dance, poetry and musical story time, with a children's choir and traditional Sean-nós Irish dancing. Sláinte. St. Mary's Academy, 1615 NW 5th Ave., 274-4654. 7:30 pm Thursday-Monday, Dec. 17-21; 1 pm Saturday-Sunday, Dec. 19-20; 5 pm Tuesday, Dec. 22. $9-$41.

A Circus Carol

Hot off its Beatles-themed White Album Christmas show, Wanderlust Circus and 3 Leg Torso turns to Dickens. Juggling, exuberant accordion accompaniment and a shirtless man doing aerial contortions from hanging chains makes this the most avant-garde Carol on Portland's stages. The nostalgic should head to Bag & Baggage in Hillsboro, and traditionalists to Portland Playhouse. Anyone who wants to see bowler hat tricks and high kicks, wander to this circus. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 8 pm Friday-Sunday, Dec. 18-20. $20-$40.

The Eight: Reindeer Monologues

Twilight Theater does dark, and weird, well. Adding an addled Mrs. Claus, reindeer off their rockers and thinly-veiled political commentary to Christmas, this is the holidays as told by its favorite enslaved animals. The adult comedy stars Portland regulars like Russell Owens and Rob Harris, but it's a 20-year-old play by Jeff Goode, the writer behind American Dragon and MTV's Undressed, giving it strong legs Twilight Theater, 7515 N Brandon Ave., 847-9838. 8 pm Thursday-Saturday and 3 pm Sunday, Dec. 17-20. $15. 21+.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Kim Bogus' Jane Theater Company puts on family shows like the Princess and the Pea and Frankenstein that are big and showy, despite a small budget. Goldilocks at the Post5 space is free, and the bad guy throws out candy. Post 5 Theatre, 1666 SE Lambert St., 971-258-8584. 7 pm Friday, 2 and 4 pm Saturday-Sunday, Dec. 18-20. Free.

A Midsummer Night's Dream

The young Portland Actors Conservatory puts on an impressively pro show. Moving Shakespeare's Midsummer to the Arctic in 1867, this Christmas version of the classic has sprites in what looks like North Face hoods with neon fur cuffs. The story line is the same, just with Russians and a cute dog. Portland Actors Conservatory, 1436 SW Montgomery St., 274-1717. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, Dec. 17-20. $10-$15.

Shrek

The expected neon colors, large ensembles and fart-off gags are all here, but like a good Disney movie, parents can find a few things to snicker at too. Multilevel sets and a huge closet of professional costumes are impressive, but maybe not quite enough to mitigate a nearly three-hour show time. No shows Dec. 16. Extra show noon Thursday, Dec. 31. Northwest Children's Theater, 1819 NW Everett St., 222-4480. Noon and 4:30 pm Saturday-Wednesday, through Jan. 3. $17-$23.

ALSO SHOWING

A Christmas Carol - photo by Brud Giles A Christmas Carol – photo by Brud Giles

A Christmas Carol

Portland Playhouse is fully steeped in the season's spirit, transporting you to Victorian England when you step inside the converted church, where child actors, barmen and box-office staff all put on British accents to match their waistcoats and petticoats for Rick Lombardo's adaptations of Charles Dickens' holiday classic. Reprising its popular production Playhouse avoids doldrums by making the play an experience. As Scrooge transforms into a generous, lovable gentleman, Playhouse adds creative lighting tricks, like making the shadow of Drew Harper's Scrooge into the Ghost of Christmas Future. Each of the 13 performers also take up an instrument—there's piano, organ, at least two guitars, ukulele, floor tom drum, sleigh bells and a tambourine. It's impossible not to feel your heart grow a few sizes as 6-year-old Serelle Simone Strickland sings Tiny Tim's solo. HILARY SAUNDERS. Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott St., 488-5822. 7 pm Wednesday-Saturday and 2 pm and 5 pm Sunday, through Dec. 24, with no 4 pm show Saturday, Dec. 19. Extra show 4 pm Saturday, Dec. 19. Shows at 1, 4 and 7 pm Tuesday-Wednesday, Dec. 22-23, and 11 am and 2 pm Thursday, Dec. 24. $20-$36.

The Book of Merman

Triangle Production's latest play begins with a ringing doorbell and two bickering Mormons, Elder Shumway (Collin Carver) and Elder Braithwaite (William Schindler), who are six months into their mission and aren't having much luck saving souls. Until they meet Ethel (Amy Jo Halliday), an older, dramatic woman who likes to drink, swear and write hefty checks to people who come to her door selling magazine subscriptions. That's Ethel Merman, a diamond-clad songstress with a booming voice, whom The New York Times called "the Queen of Musicals" in the 1930s. Through a series of jaunty show tunes and slowly revealed secrets—like Shumway's secret love for musical theater—the show unfolds in Ethel's living room, as the former starlet teaches the Mormons the value of being true to themselves. Occasional awkward blocking and lackluster dancing is saved by impressive three-part harmonies and an entertaining cast—Halliday amusingly hams up her over-the-top character; Carver brings dry wit and shy vulnerability; and Shindler deftly alternates between being giddy and on the brink of tears. Like any Triangle show, the audience gets involved, so beware if you're shy. KAITIE TODD. Triangle Productions, 1785 NE Sandy Blvd., 239-5919. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, Dec. 17-20. $15-$35.

The Dissenter's Handbook

Dario Fo's irreverent redos of Italian folklore make for a show that's more comedy than pure theater. It's like bawdy story time and traditional clowning with a side of slapstick. Matthew Kerrigan stars again, following up this summer's staging at CoHo. Shaking the Tree's main name, director Samantha Van Der Merwe (who just finished staging Sarah Ruhl's Passion Play all around town), is adding an extra Fo kicker to this show: The Tale of a Tiger. It's a short story about a tiger nursing a Chinese revolutionary back to health after he gets gangrene. It's rare to hear a show promise to be subversive, hilarious and spiritual…and actually believe it. Shaking the Tree Theatre, 823 SE Grant St., 235-0635. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday and 5 pm Sunday, through Dec. 26; extra shows 7:30 pm Tuesday-Wednesday, Dec. 22-23; no shows Thursday-Friday, Dec. 24-25. $25.

The Great American Trailer Park Christmas Musical

Winning for both longest name and Winnebagos, this two-year-old version adds Keg Nog to the longtime running, regular old Trailer Park Musical. When a Scroogey resident of North Florida's Armadillo Acres starts tripping about amnesia, Betty and someone named Pickles decide that the best cure for forgetfulness is more holiday cheer, and chair throwin'. Brunish Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 Thursday-Saturday, 2 pm Saturday-Sunday, through Dec. 27. $25-$40.

A K.B.N.B. Kristmas Karol

Slapstick antics and pratfalls are second only to boob grabs in Bag & Baggage's holiday offering, about radio actors and their studio's final night before it's destroyed to make way for a greedy media tycoon's new TV sound stage. As the cast struggles to produce a passable adaptation of what they call "Dickles Charleston," using a single microphone in a near-empty studio, they are forced to contend with the agenda of the zealous television producer. The Hillsboro cast of eight tempers the verbose, extremely fast-paced farce with nonstop visual interplay and innuendo in a Karol that boasts dropped pants aplenty, a three-girl nipple-twisting routine and at least six pelvic thrusts in the first act. They manage to sing a few Christmas songs, too! MIKE GALLUCCI. The Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 693-3953. 7:30 Thursday-Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, through Dec. 23. $27-$32.

The Santaland Diaries

Like the immortal Kris Kringle, Portland Center Stage's Crumpet the elf seems destined to revisit us year after year. This stage adaptation of David Sedaris' beloved/despised diary of working as a Macy's holiday elf is far beyond cult classic at this point. Reprising his role as the jaded and self-deprecating elf, local stage and screen mainstay Darius Pierce dons his crushed velvet suit again, for the stalwarts who are comparing annual notes. Newbies, spike your nog. Gerding Theater, Ellen Bye Studio, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesday-Sunday and 2 pm Saturday-Sunday, through Dec. 27. Extra show 2 pm Thursday, Dec. 24, no show Friday, Dec. 25. $35-$55.

Twist Your Dickens

The Second City is back for more than the second time, doing Dickens improv that combines sketch comedy and audience input. Last year, WW pointed out that the show "left an aftertaste worse than that of spoiled eggnog," and we're not holding out for a Christmas miracle this year. Special show 2 pm Thursday, Dec. 24. US Bank Main Stage at the Armory, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesday-Sunday, 2 pm Saturday-Sunday and noon Thursday, through Dec. 31. $25-$53.

ZooZoo

First went Frogz, now goes ZooZoo. Imago is good at having final shows of childrens' theater…many times. But really, this truly is the very last time ever in the entire existence of the world that you can watch insomniac hippos, bitchy anteaters and sneaky penguins in mask. Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., 231-9581. 7 pm Friday, 12 and 3 pm Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, through Jan. 3. Shows Dec. 20 and 22-24 are at noon and 3 pm, and Dec. 28-30 at 2 pm. $34.50.

COMEDY & VARIETY

The 3rd Floor XXXIII: The Final Chapter

Thirty-three shows and 20 years after it started as a group of recent college grads who thought that they were pretty funny, one of Portland's oldest comedy troupes is retiring. Boasting over 50 company members and alumni, the group's farewell is a show of quick-turn sketches and plenty of Easter eggs for longtime groupies. Milagro Theatre, 525 SE Stark St., 236-7253. 8 pm Friday-Saturday, Dec. 18-19. $16-$19.

Aries Spears

Aries Spears served as a principal cast member on MADtv from the third to 10th season of the hit sketch comedy show. He has appeared on Def Comedy Jam and Showtime at the Apollo, two of the most iconic comedy shows of all time, and is a practitioner of a number of spot-on impressions including James Brown, Shaquille O'Neal, Al Pacino and Eddie Murphy. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm Thursday, Dec. 17; 7:30 and 10 pm Friday-Saturday, Dec. 18-19; 7:30 pm Sunday, Dec. 20. $18-$33. 21+.

Earthquake Hurricane 1-Year Anniversary Show

Portland's four-star comedy showcase is turning one. Come join Anthony Lopez, Bri Pruett, Curtis Cook and Alex Falcone as they welcome special guests to celebrate one full year of comedy at a bike shop. Velo Cult Bike Shop, 1969 NE 42nd Ave., 922-2012. 9 pm Wednesday, Dec. 16. Free ($5 suggested donation). 21+.

It's Gonna Be OK

Showcasing some of the best and most unique comedic talents in Portland, It's Gonna Be OK is a fun, smart and progressive alternative comedy showcase. Hosted by Barbara Holm, this week's installment features local standup standouts Kristine Levine, Robbie Pankow, Jen Tam and Nathan Brannon. EastBurn, 1800 E Burnside St., 236-2876. 7 pm Monday, Dec. 21. Free. 21+.

No Pun Intendo

This is the only comedy showcase in town that also features video game competitions. Coming from Ground Kontrol, Portland's favorite classic arcade, and hosted by Nariko Ott, this installment of No Pun Intendo features the hilarious comedy of local favorites Ed Black, Dinah Foley, Milan Patel, Zak Toscani and Bri Pruett. Come for the laughs, stay for the opportunity to win fabulous prizes playing classic video games with other audience members. Ground Kontrol Classic Arcade, 511 NW Couch St., 796-9364. 9 pm Thursday, Dec. 17. $3. 21+.

Todd Armstrong Variety Hour

Todd Armstrong is one of Portland's funniest and hardest-working comics. He hosts his own web series, Permanent Comedy; he's opened for Bill Burr, Marc Maron, Chelsea Peretti and Tommy Chong; and he's appeared in comedy competitions and festivals across the country. Todd is back on his home turf to host a variety show that features comedy from Adam Pasi, Bri Pruett, Scott Losse, Mitch Mitchell and Billy Anderson. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm Wednesday, Dec. 16. $8-$16. 21+.

DANCE

In Good Company In Good Company

Death of Glitter: Dance Night and GenderFuck Cabaret

Crush's monthly performance and dance fundraiser does drag for a cause. Queens including Mars, Darcy Blows, Anastasia Euthanasia, Judy Precious and emcee Delta Flyer start the show, then DJ Aurora spins goth and glam music till close. Crush, 1400 SE Morrison St., 503-235-8150. 9 pm Thursday Dec. 17. $5-$10.

Empire

If you've ever experienced the artistry and wonder of a Cirque du Soleil performance, you are in no way prepared for the mindfuck that is Spiegelworld. Alternately astounding, hilarious and truly fucking bizarre, the Spiegelworld cast will push you to the absolute limit of what you're comfortable with—and well fucking beyond. The performance really begins well before showtime, when the performers wander through the crowd catching projectiles in their pants, taking photos with patrons' faces pressed to their asses and softening the thresholds of humiliation before things get really vulgar. This is all possible—and effective—thanks to the intimate venue. The acrobatics and contortion acts become jaw-droppingly real, with every quivering muscle, hyper-extended rib cage and sweat-slicked pectoral on full display. It's every bit as erotic as it sounds and the performers are undeniably world-class. Empire will leave you titillated, amazed and horrified beyond all reason—in the best possible way. PENELOPE BASS. Rose Quarter Benton Lot, 542 N Broadway, 800-745-3000. 7 pm Tuesday-Sunday and 9 pm Friday-Saturday, through Jan. 17. $25-$99.

In Good Company

With another Princess Grace award and a brand-new space in hand, Northwest Dance Project can pretty much do what it wants right now. And we like it when they do, like in this annual end-of-year show of new works that are created and performed by the dancers. With only two shows, it's too easy to miss, but it's worth the higher ticket price as an almost guaranteed hit. Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., No. 110, 421-7434. 7:30 pm Thursday-Friday, Dec. 17-18. $40.

The Library at the End of the World

The second-ever show from 11:Dance Co. features choreography from big local names like Northwest Dance Project's Ching Ching Wong. Set in a post-apocalyptic library where each dance opens a different chapter of social commentary, the hourlong show of nine dances covers serious topics like the male gaze and privilege. Co-produced by artistic director Bb DeLano and local breaker Huy Pham, they promise whimsical topics, too—like dinosaurs and burgers and fries. Though the company is too young to have much of a reputation, it's already promising to stir up Portland's dance scene. KAITIE TODD. CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh St., 220-2646. 7 pm Thursday- Saturday, 1 pm Sunday, Dec. 17-20. Extended director's cut on Sunday. $25-$55.

The Nutcracker

The most-watched ballet, and the largest-grossing all year for most dance companies, sweeps young Clara away to a fantastical wonderland where toys duke it out with rats. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 222-5538. 7:30 pm Thursday-Sunday and 2 pm Friday-Sunday, through Dec. 26. Extra shows 7:30 pm Tuesday, Dec. 22, 2 and 7:30 pm Wednesday, Dec. 23, noon Thursday, Dec. 24, no show Friday, Dec. 25. $29-$146.

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