Marty Smith

Hundreds of New Apartments Are Springing Up on Southwest 4th Avenue. Will Developers Build Crossover Walkways For the New Pedestrians?

I hate to be the guy to kill your Tinker Bell, Wannabe, but hoping to get an urban planning job in Portland by slagging on pedestrians is like trying to get a job as a cop by bragging about how much heroin you shot up on the way to the interview.

Is the Dyno Nobel Factory Out in the Middle of Nowhere Because What They’re Making Is too Dangerous for the City?

Nobel made his fortune in the arms trade, profiting from the 19th century’s many bloody conflicts, and his advances in the field of high explosives (notably, inventing dynamite) made existing weapons even more deadly.

Why Are Motorists so Afraid to Turn off Their Vehicles?

I see drivers idling while using their phones, waiting for a bridge lift, etc.—even in nice weather. I would think that it would be more environmentally friendly to turn off your engine.

Dr. Know Responds to a Question “Some Weirdo” Emailed Six Years Ago

To be frank, it didn’t seem like a particularly interesting question until now.

Did You Know Airbnbs in Portland Are Frequently Reserved to Make Porn?

I think I speak for at least two generations of conventional-hotel operators when I say to the squeamish hosts of Airbnb: Welcome to the commercial lodging business!

Why Do Some Cut Flowers and Bouquets Seem to Die Immediately? How Can You Keep Them Alive Longer?

I have the same problem, Floral—my blooms are fine in the grocery store, but as soon as I get them home and take the bag off my head, they wither and die, often with an audible “sad trombone” audio cue.

Why Was a Federal Protective Service Officer Stationed Outside Whole Foods in Northwest?

Outside Whole Foods in Northwest, I noticed a man dressed like a cop. The patch on his back read, “POLICE,” and below that, “HOMELAND SECURITY.” This seemed ominous—are jihadists lurking inside Whole Foods? Put my paranoid mind at ease.

Do Portland Parks Still Have Barbecue Grills For People to Use? Or Do I Have to Go Out to the Boonies to Find Them?

I was going to start this column with a joke about a guy on Twitter who was trying to decide whether to be an edgelord or an incel (I said he should be an edgecel—that’s when you’re constantly letting your penis get THIS CLOSE to a vagina), but then someone said my readers probably wouldn’t know what an incel was.

Shouldn’t We Worry Less About Bike Lanes and More About PDX’s Expanded Flight Capacity?

The Port of Portland is expanding PDX’s flight capacity with nary a whisper about the pollution those extra flights will generate. Shouldn’t we worry less about bike lanes and more about willy-nilly jetting around the globe?

“I Noticed a Street-Sign Topper Recently That Read ‘City of Maywood Park.’ Can a Neighborhood Call Itself a City?”

In Northeast Portland, I noticed a street-sign topper—the part that usually says something like “Historic Kenton” or “Pearl District”—that read “City of Maywood Park.” I was still well within Portland city limits. Can a neighborhood call itself a city?

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