Marty Smith

If the IRS Already Knows How Much I Owe in Taxes, Why Do I Have to File at All?

Am I a Jerk for Not Wanting the Johnson & Johnson Vaccine?

I might ask, rhetorically, what kind of lame vaccine can’t even be stored in a normal refrigerator?

Could a Ship Ever Run Aground in the Mouth of the Columbia River?

The mouth of the Columbia is widely regarded as one of the most difficult waterways in the world.

Is the Drone Above Division Street Police Surveillance or Something Else?

Somebody has to know somebody who knows something.

Why Is Playing for the Portland Trail Blazers So Dangerous for 7-Footers?

Surely none have suffered like we’ve suffered? Well, maybe—but when you look into it, others have suffered.

Are There Options to Expel Oregon Senators Who Don’t Do Their Jobs?

They just go AWOL any time they see a piece of legislation they don’t like. If they can’t find us, they can’t outvote us!

How Long Do You Have to Have Lived in Portland Before You’re Allowed to Be Insufferable About It?

I think you know the answer: longer than you.

Why Don’t We Put Our Electric Lines Underground?

The reason, I’m sure you’ll be shocked to learn, is money.

Can I Collect Unemployment for Work Lost During the Snowstorm?

If you like money more than you hate paperwork, it’s probably worth your while to open a claim for your weather-related furlough, brief though it was.

I Try to Avoid Donating My Old Stuff to Goodwill. Is There Another Way for Me to Pass Things on to Those in Need?

They don’t want Michael Miller—the Damian Lillard of used George Foreman grills—getting lured away by those slimeballs at Goodwill Industries of Boise-Spokane.

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