Terminally Intoxicated: A Bar Crawl of PDX Airport Pubs

If you're flying into Salt Lake City, get a drink first.

It's tough to get a decent cocktail given the tyrannical pouring contraptions affixed to every bottle of liquor in Utah, where, by law, no draft beer may top 4 percent ABV. And Portland International Airport can take you to places even more hostile to drinkers: South Carolina, where every bottle of booze in the state is sized for a hotel mini-bar, or like Boston, where happy hour is banned by law. Since Henry's just opened an offshoot inside the airport, and with a third of our editorial staff flying to the Mormon Holy Land for a conference last week, we decided to bar crawl around the terminal. We focused on eight that have space to sit and sip while your phone charges. It was good times. And thanks to PDX's stringent price controls, it cost exactly as much as it would on the streets of Portland—which is much, much cheaper than Utah.

Henry's Tavern

Concourse C, between gates C11 and C13, 924-7909, henrystavern.com.

Henry Weinhard's beer isn't brewed in Portland anymore—SABMiller, which owns the 160-year-old beer label, won't disclose where it's made these days—and yet, thanks to Henry's pub, a symbolic piece of the local legend lives on as an embassy for Beervana. It's brought the weathered red brick and the ice rail to PDX—not that you'd necessarily want to chill craft ales by using strip of ice as a coaster—with a few Oregon handles little-seen in Portland, like Sunriver Brewing's Vicious Mosquito IPA. It does taster trays, with growler fills planned for the near future. Bar manager Jake Shafer is also a big advocate of blending beers, giving us a taster tray including a "Snickers" made with Rogue's hazelnut and chocolate brews—the tastiest Rogue product I've had in some time. Grab some waffle fries topped with a double shot of Gorgonzola (crumbles and a creamy, brown Gorgonzola gravy) and settle in. You'll have company: The airport Henry's rivaled the main bar in sales over the first month, including an opening week during which they crushed 50 kegs and an opening day when they went through 14 gallons of bloody mary mix. In terms of atmosphere, price and selection, our airport Henry's Tavern is literally better than any beer bar in Utah.

Stanford's

Oregon Market, before the TSA security checkpoint on the side of concourses A, B and C, 493-4056, stanfords.com.

Stanford's is a dimly lit, classed-up, airport bar experience for those who may want to get a little tipsy before wading into the security line. The bartender recommended a Raspberry Lemon Drop—with Absolut Citron, fresh lemon, raspberry liqueur and a citrus-sugared rim—that reminded me why they were once my go-to cocktail when someone else was buying. Sweet, but not too sweet, and mixed professionally (my other airport cocktails were sort of thrown together from already-made ingredients). This is where Don Draper would get tastefully hammered before fucking a stewardess.

Laurelwood

Concourse A, between gates A3 and A4, 493-9427; Concourse E, between gates E2 and E3, 281-6753, laurelwoodbrewpub.com.

Laurelwood's Concourse A pub services enough commuter flights to have regulars. It's basically a miniaturized version of the family-friendly local spots—minus their absurdly generous happy hours. The staff is friendly and the Workhorse IPA is fresh and available in a growler for $15. Unfortunately, the Laurelwood at Concourse A closes daily at 9:30 pm. For those with a later flight, Laurelwood has a Concourse E location that is open until midnight (11:30 pm Saturdays).

Sandoval's Tequila Grill

Concourse C, between gates C16 and C18, 280-7707, sandovalspdx.com.

If you want family-style Mexican food inside the airport, any of 325 tequilas or a margarita served in a triangular trough of a glass, you come here. Or if you want Widmer beers—it has five on tap next to Negro Modelo, Pacifico and Bud Light. The $8 salt-rimmed marg was a little watery (not Utah watery!) but they'll do a double for $3 more.

Capers Cafe

Across from the TSA checkpoint between concourses B and C, 280-1010, caperscafe.com.

PDX will be swamped with pinotphiles this weekend as the International Pinot Noir Celebration hits Newberg McMinnville. Look for them at Capers Cafe et Le Bar, essentially a couple of stools set up in front of a bottle rack where its business-casual customers can get 50 wines by the glass, including a sweet Amity Crannell ($12) with lots of sugary cherry. But compare bottle and glass prices: "I told them if they were having three glasses between them it's much cheaper to get the bottle," said one server. "Don't ever tell them that," said another.

Rogue Ales Public House

Concourse D, between gates D5 and D7, 282-2630, rogue.com.

Rogue is the place to go for beers you won't drink yourself. Rachel Ray loved her gift Voodoo Doughnut bottle on TV, and your father-in-law will love beer made with beard yeast. The exclusive PDX Carpet Ale is actually the Brutal Bitter labeled with the classic airport carpet pattern. There also is a full bar and tons of outlets so you can get properly sloshed and charged, respectively, while waiting for your flight.

The Country Cat

North lobby right after the TSA checkpoint, 314-0727, thecountrycat.net.

In PDX's airy dome lobby, the Country Cat is the classy post-security place to bring your in-laws, even if what you really want is Burgerville. It's also a place to get actual healthy, fresh food to eat while you drink a glass of wine or an original cocktail like the Rose City Punch, which contains rhubarb bitters, kombucha and a mysterious bourbon punch. It may be a little too sweet with not quite enough whiskey but it pairs well with kale and spinach salad with feta, apples, dried cherries and candied walnuts and leaves you sober enough that you won't make a fool of yourself by yelling out fake bomb threats.

Beaches

Oregon Market, before the TSA security checkpoint on the side of concourses D and E, 335-8385, beachesrestaurantandbar.com.

Beaches is an old-timey Tiki bar with no real desire for subtlety. The cocktail options almost all include rum, though they do have a full bar, and fruity-juicy things. I ordered the Maui Punch, with vodka, triple sec, blood orange purée, mango purée and cranberry juice. Unsurprisingly, it is super sweet and tastes like Hi-C, so maybe that makes it authentic? It comes in a glass with an angry Tiki face that when filled with bright, red punch looks sorta like Kool-Aid Man. Unless you are on your way to Disneyland and/or enjoy headaches, you should probably steer clear of this place.

Willamette Week