Here's a Mad Lib About Every "Old Portland" Story You've Ever Heard on a Barstool

The year was [last year you could be considered young.]

By Martin Cizmar

Fill out our "Bad Libs" for the crustiest Old Portland story you've ever heard.

Mad:)Takes - free online Mad Libs™

Bad Libs
LAST YEAR YOU COULD BE CONSIDERED YOUNG
INANIMATE OBJECT OR BIRD
NAME OF BAR THAT CLOSED BEFORE 2010
GENTRIFIED NEIGHBORHOOD
YUPPIES/CALIFORNIANS/YUPPIE CALIFORNIANS/HIPSTERS/MIDWESTERNERS/BROGRAMMERS
PBR/RAINIER/ROTGUT WHISKEY
CARTOONISHLY EXAGGERATED LOW PRICE
FIRST NAME OF EUROPEAN AUTHOR
MILD PHYSICAL DISFIGUREMENT
UNPLEASANT WEATHER
IMPLEMENT OR CLOTHING ITEM FOR COMBATING UNPLEASANT WEATHER
RANDOM OTHER STATE
BLUE COLLAR PROFESSION
PROPER NAME OF A CORPORATION IN A POLLUTION-CAUSING INDUSTRY
UN-PC TERM REFERENCING A PERSON’S RACE, SOCIOECONOMIC CLASS, ETHNICITY, SEXUALITY, GENDER IDENTITY, HAIRCUT, PIERCING OR THE FACT THEY ARE CARRYING A SKATEBOARD
ADJECTIVE THAT DESCRIBES STRAIGHT, MIDDLE-CLASS, CISGENDER WHITE PEOPLE
DEROGATORY TERM
SHORTENED NICKNAME OF BARTENDER WITH PHYSICAL DISFIGUREMENT
GENDER PRONOUN
PURPLE CROWN ROYAL BAG/ HARD DRUG PAPER SACK/BACKPACK
HARD DRUG
DEROGATORY TERM FOR THE PLACE WHERE THE PREVIOUSLY LISTED DRUG IS TYPICALLY CONSUMED
COLORFUL TERM FOR THE SORT OF INTOXICATION CAUSED BY THE DRUG
DEROGATORY TERM FOR A FEMALE-GENDERED PERSON
BLUE-COLLARED PROFESSION
DRIVING-BASED PROFESSION
KENO SLIPS/RACING FORMS/TAXI NOTEPADS
FIXED IT UP/TORE IT DOWN
YUPPIE-FRIENDLY BUSINESS/CHAIN STORE
PURCHASE OR CONSUME AN EXTRAVAGANT GOOD OR SERVICE
DEROGATORY NAME FOR DRUG ADDICTS

Willamette Week

Willamette Week’s reporting has concrete impacts that change laws, force action from civic leaders, and drive compromised politicians from public office. Support WW's journalism today.