foot TRAFFIC

HOW TO GET ACROSS THE STREET
Foot Traffic | Pop Cycle Coolers | Auto-Erotica

HOW TO GET UP THAT HILL
Two Ways to Mount Hood | Backcountry Jammin'-boree | Mountain Climbers

HOW TO GET DOWN THE RIVER--OR UP THE CREEK
Paddling-4-Dummies | Get Your Motor Running

City folks often forget about feet--the flexible machinery of bones and tendons, the multi-use design. Funny how we live in the town that exports the most futuristic footgear in the world and some of us can't be bothered to do better than flip-flops and a gas pedal. But you? You're ahead of the arch. Car culture has not conquered you. You're the first one out there when Metro lays fresh concrete. You know every slick railing and drained swimming pool in your neighborhood. When you see fuel-injected, foreign-oil-dependent road hogs chugging through traffic, you kick up your shock-absorbent heels and laugh like a banshee.

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Triple Threat: You know your shoes rock steady when they actually do things you don't fully understand. The Adidas a³ running shoe ($130 suggested retail, Adidas, 5020 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 249-1676) is racked and righteous, with a "unique transition plate for optimal loading during toe-off." Even if these treads never see a cinder track, they'll retain the grass-stained attitude of a classic athletic shoe. Solemn and sleek at a glance, the ubiquitous three-stripe logo is perforated into the mesh for quiet yet distinctive styling. The coral or cornflower-blue details show you don't take yourself too damn seriously, even if you do require optimal loading during toe-off.

Disco 4-Evah: Your tube top glows blue in the black light. "Crimson and Clover" is a fuzzy blare from the PA. Your shorter-than-you date's clammy hand is clasped in your own. Longing. Romance. Knee bruises. Ahh...what roller-skating was meant to be. The Puma Roller Kitty skate ($130, Bad Doll Shoes, 815 NW Glisan St., 525-2202) melds the unmistakable Puma sneaker to a classic metal skate for a combo that takes nostalgia for a style ride. These rock-and-rollers are rink-ready in white leather with lollipop piping and raspberry-Jell-O transparent wheels. The front brakes--they called 'em "stoppers" back in the day--have as little slowdown power as they ever did, so keep on keepin' on.

Shox & Roll: Some commuters wouldn't feel whole without late-model injection-molded obscenities clinging like alien octopi to their tootsies. You're complex--we understand. The Nike Shox R4 Plus ($140, Niketown, 930 SW 6th Ave., 221-6453) doesn't disappoint in style or substance. All the white-hot gimcracks and whizbangs are there--the zip-sleeve upper, the modular Shox plastic pylons in the heel for a Buick-smooth ride. And with color choices like Clearwater, Habañero and Mandarin, it's like wearing a post-work cocktail on your heels. Since these hot rods are performance running shoes, you can book all the way to the bar.

Road Rash: Technical skating's one thing, but everyone needs a beer-gettin', video returnin' street board for those mini-trips across the chipped cobbles and concrete gumbo of our fair city. Start with the Lib Tech alterna-deck (that "Lib" is short for Liberace), which blends fiberglass, wood and epoxy for a rainproof deck with the flex and durability of a snowboard. Pair it with midwidth trucks from Independent (long a household name in skate parts) and some squooshy wheels (Kryptonic, perhaps?), and you've got a ride that's sweetly shock-absorbent and affordably cool. The total package, tailored for your specialized transport needs, is about $140 (Exit Real World, 820 NW Glisan St., 226-3948).

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Low-Rider: Lower to the ground and more stable than earlier designs, the Ascent In-Line Skate ($79.99, Copeland Sports, 245 SW Morrison St., 223-5700, and other locations) is custom-crafted for would-be street-derby demons who don't want wobbly skills to stand in the way of asphalt lust. These comfy carvers are tricked out with ABEC 3 twin-cam bearings and 72-mm wheels (upgradable to 78 mm). And because nothing stimulates sweat glands like tearing up city sidewalks, the Ascent skate is stacked with a light and breathable softboot called the Exotech (the men's version even has special anatomic cuffs). Slaloming traffic cones has never been so luxurious.

Glide Time: You're such a skate newbie you think decks are for barbecues and trucks are by Tonka. But the scrappy street cool of boarding has bewitched you, and you want to make a run at it before aging knees bench you forever. Educate yourself by building your own at Cal's Pharmacy, where decks start at $35 with grip, trucks at $30, and wheels go for $28 (Cal's Pharmacy Skateboards, 1636 E Burnside St., 233-1237). For the truly destitute, Cal's also features 'the Graveyard,' a collection of left-behind gear it distributes to the needy and deserving. Broken deck? State your case to the good people at Cal's, and they might fix you up with something.

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Cheapskates: When it comes to trendy transport, why buy new? Play It Again Sports (4876 NW Bethany Blvd., 439-9333, and other locations) stocks a full fleet of gently used in-line skates starting at just $30. No basement brands here--selections include K-2, Rollerblade and Roller Derby, all makers of sturdy recreational rollers for the city skater. These wheels are road-ready and pre-scuffed (just scarred enough to look streetwise).

WWeek 2015