Skip to main contentLast week, while state lawmakers were not solving the budget crisis in Salem, a meeting in Portland was celebrating the creation of the Oregon Cultural Trust, a new state body aimed at raising cash for the arts.
One of the money-hustling schemes is to sell a new "cultural" license plate. The plate, unveiled Friday, was selected from more than 100 submissions and is the work of local artist Kelly Kievit. Here it is:
Now, the Nose is no art critic. He once proudly hung a laminated copy of those poker-playing dogs in his paneled basement. And he still can't tell a Monet from a Manet.
But even to this postmodern philistine, it's clear that the trust-funders blew it. This blobby mash of pastels has as much to do with regional culture as bento has to do with regional cuisine. No offense to Ms. Kievit (who won $5,000 for her winning entry), but the Nose has a hard time believing a that a lot of folks will shell out an extra $15 for the honor of displaying their license-plate numbers on what looks like bathroom wallpaper.
What a missed opportunity! There are so many Oregon cultural icons that lend themselves to the bumper. The Nose thinks the folks at the cultural trust should consider some of these ideas, which honor some of Oregon's many contributions to the world's cultural scene:
The Bhagwan Plate: The Rajneeshees are long gone, but not forgotten (a must for Rolls-Royce owners).
Drugstore Cowboy Plate: Hey, we don't have too many major film directors around, so let's immortalize Gus Van Sant.
The Walton Plate: More than a dominating NBA center, Bill was a counterculture icon.
The Decrim Plate: Never forget: Oregon was the first state to decriminalize pot.
The D.B. Cooper Plate: Celebrate that bygone era when hijackers were still viewed as folk heroes.
The Hot Rock Plate: Who could resist a portrait of Sleater-Kinney, Portland's favorite furies?
The Roddy Plate: Long before pro wrestling had The Rock, it had The Piper. The former Canuck is now an Oregonian.
The Homer Plate: Lincoln High grad and Simpsons creator Matt Groening doesn't live here anymore, but he still peppers his work with Oregon references.
HEY, ALL YOU SHOOTERS!
The Nose wants your photography. He's planning to run a picture each week that captures the essence of this great city (whatever the hell that means). Send your prints (color or black-and-white, no smaller than 5-by-7 inches--no slides, no email attachments) to The Nose, c/o this paper. Write your name, address, phone number and email tag on the back. Your photo will NOT be returned, but if the Nose chooses your photo, immortality and adulation will certainly follow.
WWeek 2015