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It's true, the Nose has been lying low for a couple of weeks. He took advantage of the holiday season to cleanse his soul by serving food at Sisters of the Road Cafe and cleanse his overworked brain by hitting the slopes at Mount Bachelor. And he also took some time over New Year's to pause and consider how he has changed since Sept. 11.
The Schnoz is not normally a reflective sort, not prone to contemplate his belly button, but it's clear that something about the Nose has changed. He is unambiguously patriotic in a fashion that he seldom was before (though those "Proud to be an American" signs in everybody's rear window are getting awfully gratuitous). He's become a fan of Donald Rumsfeld's straight talk. He's thinking of getting a pair of Ashley Banfield glasses. In short, the Nose has fallen in lock-step with the reigning zeitgeist.
With one screaming exception, that is. The Nose just can't get behind George W. Bush's economic stimulus proposal.
That the Nose is among a minority of Oregonians became clear over the weekend, when on Saturday he drove to Northeast Portland, hoping to get a glance at the leader of the free world. Bush dropped in on Portland for three hours to stump for his plan (a combination of tax breaks, rebates to poor people and faster depreciation for the purchase of business equipment), which passed the House of Representatives but is stalled in the Senate.
The Nose was without the necessary press credentials and wasn't able to join the throngs who had turned out to cheer his every word at Parkrose High School. But it was clear even from the street that the more than 2,000 people inside hung on every word the president spoke. It was as if Joey Harrington were auditioning cheerleaders.
Outside, it was the dissenters who were in full roar. As Bush's limo arrived, amid a sea of cops, protesters jeered Bush for everything from his environmental policy to the war in Afghanistan to his affinity for tax breaks for the rich. But no one seemed to have on his or her mind what is pissing off the Nose: Bush's use of our fair state's 7.4 percent unemployment rate to pimp for a economic plan that, to use a phrase from the presidential Shrub himself, is based on "fuzzy math."
Why? Shrub's proposal would weaken the federal budget rather than strengthen the economy. For one thing, it would shrink a surplus that just last week Congress admitted will be only a third of what was projected a year ago. Besides, the government has already put in place an ample amount of "stimulus": 11 interest-rate cuts; the $40 billion Congress approved in post-Sept. 11 "emergency" spending; and Bush's $70 billion tax cut, which goes into effect this year.
Don't take the Nose's word for it. The Wall Street Journal reported on Dec. 21 that "an increasing number of lawmakers have concluded that the economic stimulus package just isn't necessary--and could actually do more harm then good."
But did we hear any of that over the weekend? Not a bit. Instead, the Nose heard the chorus of those who seem to feel that support for the war on terrorism requires a blind allegiance to all of Bush's policies. In fact, on the very day that Bush arrived in Portland, The Oregonian engaged in patriotic fellatio by suggesting Bush was the reincarnation of Abe Lincoln.
Hey. The Nose knew Abe Lincoln. Abe Lincoln was a friend of mine.
You know the rest.
WWeek 2015