What to do on Valentine's Day if you really don't want to do anything.

Don’t swap out the five-course dinner and Champagne for Swanson’s and Jim Beam just yet. If you find yourself alone on Valentine’s Day—or sharing the day with a date who hates every commercialized inch of the holiday—know you’ve got options. This V-Day, Portland’s Pedal Bike Tours is offering two hours on a bicycle built for two. It’s $22 for a spin on a 2010 Torker Bermuda tandem plus Two Tarts cookies to munch along the way. 

The Red Cross gets romantic with a two-hour "Singles Only CPR" class on Monday, Feb. 14, for half the price of the normal certification (only $20) and plenty of single mouths to practice on. Free drinks, as well as food to choke on. For hungrier lovers, local meat mavens Olympic Provisions boasts the most unique front-door service imaginable: an Olympic Provisions Singing Salamigram for $75. "The lead singer of the Tumblers will be delivering a five-stemmed salami bouquet with a performance of an original song," the creators explain. Genius. 

Lastly, check out the True Romance Party at the Bagdad Theater, where Fleur de Lethal Cinematheque's flashing the bloody 1993 Quentin Tarantino-penned flick on the big screen complete with a costume contest. Tix are five bucks and the V.I.P. package is $25 (two tix, JaCiva chocolates and a bottle of bubbly). Make sure you and your date nab stripper outfits so you can vie for prizes like a McMenamins getaway and free tattoos. 

And if you need any help with exotic gear, Spartacus is hosting a storewide sale with a lube and lotion bar and lingerie models 7-9 pm Thursday, Feb. 10. Ah, romance. 

GO, LOVE: Pedal Bike Tours, 133 SW 2nd Ave., 877-2453. Gift certificates available through Monday, Feb. 14. $22. Singles Only CPR at the Green Room at the Hotel DeLuxe, 729 SW 15th Ave., 284-1234. 6-8 pm Monday, Feb. 14. $20. Call 954-3663 to order your Olympic Provisions Singing Salamigram. Delivery available February 11-14. $75. True Romance screens at the Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 467-7521. Doors at 8 pm, film at 9 pm Monday, Feb. 14. $5-$25. Find more local V-Day events here.

WWeek 2015

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