Which First-Person Film Should Be Your Life?

Hardcore Henry is a first-person shooter made into a feature-length movie, filmed almost entirely by a GoPro strapped to director Ilya Naishuller's face. It's an interesting, if nauseating, concept. But of all the point-of-view shots in film history, why is one from the head of a mute, murderous cyborg running almost plotlessly around Russia the one that was stretched to a full 90 minutes? Instead, I'd rather live in one of these characters for a brief moment.

The Big Lebowski: You get to wake up to Julianne Moore in a wig and ride down a bowling alley under some dancers. The Coens also give you the option of looking out from a bowling ball, though that isn't a life I want to borrow for even a moment.

The Terminator: OK, so the T-800 is a murderous cyborg too, but being inside its head is also pretty interesting. Especially with the informational view that gives possible human responses to social situations, and identifies people whose names you might not remember, both of which would make parties much easier.

Predator: Like the T-800, the Predator has some POV advantages that he uses to kill, but that would also be nice in the real world. The heat-sensing vision in Predator would be really useful for knowing if restrooms are occupied and whether or not the "vacant" sign is working properly.

Jimmy Stewart as peeping Tom: We've all spent time staring out the window hoping to see our neighbors getting into some shit, but they're way less interesting than the neighbors in Hitchcock's Rear Window. If I'm going to be looking out from the eyeballs of a snoop, I'd like it to be one as fun as the wheelchair-bound Stewart.

Animals, in general: There's no shortage of shots from animal's perspectives, from the shark in Jaws to a sassy cat in Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey to an even sassier cat stuck in a boat in Life of Pi. Getting in an animal's head is one of the great joys of filmmaking. Heck, being an Ewok and doing my best to ruin Return of the Jedi would be more fun than being Hardcore Henry for even a minute.

Being John Malkovich: It's the title of film, after all. Of course you get to experience life inside John Malkovich's head, and it's great! I've crawled through hundreds of file cabinets since seeing that movie hoping I'd get to be JM for even a moment, but alas, I'm stuck here.

SEE IT: Hardcore Henry is rated R. It opens Friday, April 8.

Willamette Week