These Nine Items Parents Should Consider Buying to Get Through the Next Few Months of Quarantine

Kids won’t properly wash their grubby little hands? Maybe they’ll be more inclined when an adorable giraffe vomits foam all over them.

JBL Wireless Headphones for Kids

$39.99 at Amazon.com
Good For virtual learning, and also to keep you from hearing “Baby Shark” on an infinite loop.

Jinserta Touchless Foaming Soap Dispenser

$45.99 at Amazon.com
Kids won’t properly wash their grubby little hands? Maybe they’ll be more inclined when an adorable giraffe vomits foam all over them.

Bug Bingo

$25.99 at Amazon.com
If he’s going to try to eat them all the time, he might as well know what they’re called.

Cubcoats Reversible Face Mask

$11.99 at cubcoats.com
Have your grade schoolers been listening to too much Alex Jones and now think the coronavirus is a hoax perpetrated by the Face Mask Industrial Complex? These cute patterns might change their tune.

Areaware Gradient Puzzle

$25 at Amazon.com
Jigsaw puzzles are the ultimate time suck, and the pseudo-
Rothko design ensures they’ll take days to finish.

Braun Digital No-Touch Forehead Thermometer

$89.99 at Amazon.com
All of us have entered into new relationships with our thermometers, but this is like a radar gun for fevers, making it possible to monitor your kids’ temperature when they’re not even paying attention.

Jungle JumpaRoo

$637.24 at Amazon.com
The hours of bouncy distraction are worth the potential turned ankle.

Le Petit Chef Knife Set & Kids’ Apron

$49 at food52.com

In normal situations it might not be a great idea to hand a child a knife but, y’know, desperate times and all that.

Plum Garden Four Children’s Training Chopsticks

$10.80 at amazon.com

Oh, you ate 30 pounds of raisins in three minutes? See how many you can eat with these, fool.

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