- BRITER, LITER: Strap on your L.A. Gear Catapults—Portland has its first “all-retro ’80s and ’90s dance club and diner.” Jones opened in the former McFadden’s space in Old Town last weekend (107 NW Couch St.). The bar, which has the same owner as the Boiler Room, is covered in period memorabilia—including a Garbage Pail Kids collage in the restrooms, arcade games and “the West Coast’s largest Lite-Brite.” (This raises the question: what’s happening with Lite Brites back East, and why can’t we compete?) Most interesting, Jones is serving breakfast until 5 am. Although the prospect of an Old Town diner at 4 am fills us with terror, Big Ass Sandwiches’ Brian Wood is manning the grill and making dishes like house-smoked brisket biscuit sliders. Here’s hoping they can nab a few flats of Crystal Pepsi or Josta to pair with them.
- WHEY FAB: Fabio, the most beautiful man in the cosmos, is on a tour of Whole Foods stores, promoting his protein powder. He’ll do meet-and-greets at the Fremont (June 6), Pearl (June 7), Hollywood (June 8) and Laurelhurst (June 8) stores. Fabs and his razor-sharp jawline will be flogging the $44.99 tubs of whey, autographing dog-eared copies of Defy Not The Heart and posing for photos with your weird aunt.
- BAGEL BITE: Kenny & Zukes SandwichWorks at 2376 NW Thurman St. will add a full-fledged bagel shop called Bagelworks, according to The Oregonian, which “learned” of the plan from Ken Gordon (who writes for the paper) this week. In news not about a WW writer, Learned Monkey Bagel Co.
is asking for $30,000—yes, 30 large—on Kickstarter to open a bagel shop
in the Brooklyn neighborhood, which “has a scarcity of good bagels.”
With Spielman’s excellent bagels a mere mile away, does it make sense to
give owner James A. Hilsenteger (
a patent lawyera former patent lawyer and current restaurant server) a handout?
- BIKECURIOUS: If you’re into biking in the buff, Portland-based group NW Documentary wants to chat, then maybe see your junk. The company is looking for a few unabashed bikers for a documentary on the Portland Naked Bike Ride. The very reputable company has been accepted into major film festivals around the world—meaning you could appear nude onscreen at Tribeca or Sundance. To streak your way to stardom, contact the filmmakers at firstname.lastname@example.org.
- THEY REMINISCE OVER YOU: LeRoy Ellis, an original Trail Blazer nabbed from the Baltimore Bullets in the 1970 expansion draft, died of prostate cancer in Scappoose on Saturday. Ellis was a member of the 1971-72 champion Los Angeles Lakers, holders of the NBA’s all-time longest winning streak (33 games), but he was known locally as a well-loved big man who never tarnished his Blazers legacy. Ellis was 72. Meanwhile, Peter Vecsey of the New York Post tweeted last week that “Brandon Roy is considering Lakers should he come back.” Would Blazers fans ever forgive him?