Bro Say Can You See

Oh boy, they had the time of their bro-y lives! Likes pigs in shit, those bros.

But the bros, they were unconflicted. The bros loved Entourage. And they expressed their love directly to the screen almost constantly. Every time a pair of breasts appeared on screen, one of the bros audibly muttered, “Oh shit.” 

Not just the first time breasts appear, which is maybe two seconds into the film and for no apparent reason. But then again a minute later. "Oh shit." And again 20 minutes later. “Oh shit!” Do bros not have the Internet yet?  Because it would blow this guy’s mind.

There are maybe 20 sets of breasts, and he "oh shit"-ed all of them. Except one time when he said, "Tiiight." I did not notice anything different about the breasts that made them tiiight instead of oh shit, but maybe I'm the weirdo.

The audience bros loved that the flimsy plot consisted entirely of the movie bros attempting to sleep with women, sleeping with women or talking about their attempts to sleep with women. There is something about the movie bros trying to make their own movie or having already made a movie or something, but it couldn't matter less compared to the sleeping-with-women part.

The audience bros also had a lot of advice for the characters in the movie, which they happily offered without being asked. When one character hands his cellphone to his girlfriend to show her a picture of a baby, the audience bros immediately knew there were dirty pictures on the phone. Kindly, they helped the girlfriend out: "Don't scroll, baby, don't scroll!"

Did the audience bros enjoy these attempts by the movie bros to sleep with women? You know they did, friend.

One movie bro is hitting on a model, and he says: "I loved your Hawaii photo shoot. You looked cold. But it was still hot." And the audience bro behind me said to his bro friend, "That's a good line."

Which it is not. It is a terrible line. 

As far as I can tell, it's all terrible. It's a terrible group of humans being terrible and kinda making a movie with other terrible people. 

Maybe they know they're terrible, so that makes it OK, or maybe it doesn't. Maybe it's making fun of the terrible people in Hollywood but in a way that just glorifies them anyway. Maybe it's OK that it makes so many homophobic jokes, because it has a token gay character who the movie bros are nice to, but maybe it's still just a bunch of homophobic jokes. And maybe it's all a comedy and I completely missed the point, but it's so hard to tell if it's funny on purpose or funny like a dog with its snout stuck in an ice-cream carton, where it's definitely amusing in parts but it's also sad because he's trying his hardest. 

But the bros, they didn't think it was terrible. They thought it was a movie about a group of heroes being heroic and doing the Lord's work, exposing breasts for us. So if you're up for bro-ing down, have I got a movie for you. 

Critics Grade: B- (I really thought it deserved a C, but because it's by and for bros, it needs a B grade.)

SEE IT: Entourage is rated R. It opens Wednesday, June 3, at Fox Tower, Lloyd Center, City Center, Division, Clackamas, Bridgeport and Vancouver. 

WWeek 2015