Your infallible guide to the News.

One faction says "Nay-to," the other says "Nie-to," but now no normal people have to pretend to care. The two halves of the battling Naito clan finally settled a long-running feud, agreeing to divide their downtown property and business empire, which includes the Galleria.

Eugene's anti-war community boosted its protest street cred when three members disrupted President Bush's inauguration ceremony. Perhaps less thrilled was Rep. Peter DeFazio, the Dem whose office provided the group with free tickets to the event.

Portland's radical cyclists will have unusual company this Friday. Mayor Tom Potter, fresh from antagonizing public-power foes by announcing that the city could buy PGE, boldly stated his intention to join the cycle protest Critical Mass, annoying rush-hour motorists and hopefully avoiding a citation from the police force he used to lead.

Lovers of abnormal sweets raised their bacon-covered maple bars and let out a "HALLELUJAH!" after a daring midnight robbery fell apart at downtown's Voodoo Doughnut. Four thieves attempted to make off with the shop/wedding chapel's 5-foot-wide "sacred doughnut" but were thwarted by patrons with superior tug-o'-war skills. Homer J. Simpson would be proud.

LOSERS

The tawdry Trail Blazers career of Qyntel Woods came to an end as the moribund local hoops franchise fired the former first-round draft choice. Woods pleaded guilty on Friday to misdemeanor charges stemming from his enthusiasm for dog fighting; the Blazers, over the NBA roster limit for convicted criminals, bid Q adieu.

Portland's art scene took a dual hit when Kristy Edmunds' long-expected announcement that she is leaving PICA this fall (see Q&A, page 13) was followed by Carrie Hoops' decision to quit Literary Arts Inc. to pursue those ever-popular "other interests."

Oregon's boarding bros and snow bunnies were left stranded in the lodge as warm weather closed a number of ski areas and left others running on reduced schedules. Snow depth at Mount Hood is at half its seasonal average.

Local Ikea fetishists curled up in their "poangs" and cried over news that the Swedish furniture behemoth may not be allowed to set up shop near Portland International Airport. They'll have to continue carpooling up to Renton, Wash., for their yin-yang coffee tables if arcane federal aviation rules kill the development.

WWeek 2015