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Why do the cops close off the streets in Old Town on weekends? You'd think they'd be cracking down on all the date-rapey bros and blacked-out douchettes who go there to get their drink on, not rolling out the red carpet for them.—The Mean Dad From Footloose
As someone who will soon be old—really old, like where you can call an ambulance because you're bored and no one even gets mad—I sympathize with your hostility to young people enjoying themselves. Why can't they just drink at home, alone, sobbing quietly in the dark like grown-ups?
That said, the Old Town "Entertainment Zone" is not quite the unalloyed gift to douchedom that it might seem.
The area around Northwest 3rd Avenue and Davis Street has a lot of bars and clubs that cater to the X Games crowd, and it's been a trouble spot for years—police calls, fights, public intoxication, drunk driving…you know, fun!
In 2013, inspired by the example of cities like New Orleans (also noted for roiling masses of booze-fueled humanity), Portland decided to make a few blocks pedestrian-only during the peak party hours of 10 pm to 3 am on Friday and Saturday.
This has the obvious benefit (or drawback, depending on your point of view) of keeping wasted millennials from getting run over by automobiles.
However, because there's no on-street parking during the closure (cars left there get towed, easily the program's least-popular feature), it's also much easier for police and club security to keep an eye on revelers.
You might not think that simply taking away a drunken person's ability to hide behind a parked car would take a bite out of crime, but by all accounts it has.
So don't be too outraged, Dad—in a sense, the cops are cracking down. And anyway, most of these kids will only have about six months to party between their 21st birthday and parenthood; might as well let them enjoy it.
Have a question about life in Portland? Send it to dr.know@wweek.com.
Willamette Week