WWeed Grow Off Week 15

On July 1, recreational weed became legal in Oregon. One of the things that means is that everyone can now legally grow up to four marijuana plants. Here at Willamette Week, we were so excited that we decided to have an old-fashioned office grow-off. All of our plants started the same size and they are all the P-91 strain, but each department elected to grow its plants in different ways.

See previous installments of our weed growing journey here.

Liz

The Events department harvested Liz last week in a skunk-reeking cloud that filled the lower floor of the building (despite the fact that the Events office door being closed during the process.) Since a $100 investment led to a final yield of approximately five ounces (which would sell for $600-$800 on the street or at a dispensary), I have a feeling Matt in the Events department "doesn't give a flying fuck" about causing the smell.

Candis

Originally, we were planning on harvesting Candis last week. Then, an experienced and, cough cough, prominent Portland grower paid a fortuitous visit to the office and gave us some great advice: give Candis a few more weeks before harvesting so she can pack on weight like a steer on a corn diet. In order to do this, we needed a greenhouse to protect Candis from the elements. After an afternoon of soul-destroying and ultimately unsuccessful searching through Beaverton's home and garden megastores, I quit the search, bought something off the internet, and did my best to restore my afternoon with a stop at the venerable Beaverton Sub Station.

Reggie

I have, in the past, teased Reggie for being too thin.

This week, Reggie was moved four feet to the left.

He is much bigger now.

People in high school used to tease me about being too thin.

I've moved my desk four feet to the left.

I mean, you never know…

Oscar

Oscar continues to push onward, seemingly unbeknownst to his caretakers. In fact, I'm pretty sure by writing this one post, I've given Oscar more thought than his caretakers have throughout this entire competition. The Art department gets a pass, though, because Potlander Art Director Alyssa brings her greyhound Penny to the office, and she (Penny) seems healthy. She also wears vests.

Addi

Sometimes office notes read like a ransom note: "LABEL and DATE all food in the fridge or it WILL BE THROWN AWAY." Other times they are just subtle affirmations that, for reasons which will never be made clear to you, your bosses get to live way, way better lives than you do: "Please don't park on the south side of the parking lot, that is reserved for upper management vehicles [read: German sports cars]." And then there's this, a note for which the greatest achievement is to remind the reader that we are in Portland, Oregon, where weed is so normal, so well accepted that it is the fodder of mundane office notes.

Bootsy

Somewhere along the way, Bootsy was apparently attacked by a grizzly bear. (Everyone knows grizzly bears love weed.) Not sure how a damn grizzly got into the office, but one definitely did. Receptionist Tristan locks the door at lunch time, so I assume he also locks it at the end of shift. Maybe the grizzly bear put on a UPS outfit and walked right in the front door and no one bothered to look up from their screens as he mauled the plant to within an inch of its (the plant's) life. One thing is for sure, this was definitely the work of a grizzly bear.

Willamette Week