Sundays at Devils Point
This is the strip-club event that people who don't go to strip clubs always tell you they've been meaning to attend: You perform your karaoke, and the dancer does her own set on the same stage. Please, do not get carried away and think the high note on "Don't Stop Believin'" is a good time to grab the dancer on any part of her body, including the pinkie. Because it is not.
Mondays at Sunset Strip, 10205 SW Park Way, 297-8466, sunsetstrippdx.com.
Pabst for a quarter from 8 to 10 pm! Then a mere dollar bill after that. This makes Mondays, oddly, the Beavertron-adjacent club's busiest night many weeks—if also a scary proposition in a section of town where it's almost assured you'll be driving home. Save on beer, buy a cab ride.
Tuesdays at Lucky Devil
Everything's tiny. The dancers are all under 5 feet tall, the Coronas are mini, there are mini Coors Lights, and the emcee is Nik Sin, otherwise known as Mini Marilyn Manson. The crowd that shows up, however, is apparently large.
Wednesdays at the Kit Kat Club
It's only fitting that the one strip club in town to accept nerdy, quasi-Chinese Bitcoin virtual currency is also the one with the cosplay. Dancers dress up as characters from comics and video games and B-movies and anime and…we don't know. Their ad shows Skeletor, which would probably freak us out in a bad way, but other costumes have included Mai Shiranui from Fatal Fury, a camel-toed Deadpool, Goblin Queen from X-Men, bikini-clad Devo and, you know, nerds.
Thursdays at the Dream On Saloon, 15920 SE Stark St., 253-8765.
Hello, shitkicker! The Dream On Saloon has a country-music night, complete with plenty of cowboy hats, nu-country, old country and—we presume—half the village of Estacada in attendance.
Last Friday of each month at Club Skinn
The dancers compete for cash prizes. One month, this may be a best-legs contest. Another, it may involve eating Popsicles. Customers reward the favored dancer in beads, and the beads are then counted, as in ancient China, or ancient New Orleans.
Car and Dog Wash
One fine Saturday in August at Sassy's
Every August, in the dog days of summer, Sassy's dancers put on a dog and car wash staffed by the dancers, who probably have little trouble flagging down traffic. The wash benefits the Oregon Humane Society.