Those jitters you feel? They're not the lingering shakes from too much coffee.

You've got restless nest egg syndrome.

It's hard to remember now, but just four months ago, no one in Oregon imagined we'd entered a recession (though it probably started in January). Aaah, summer.

Those were the good old days. Before Congress and the Federal Reserve took drastic measures to restore crumbling credit markets. Before lawmakers authorized a $700 billion bailout, then rushed to prop up banks. Before auto industry executives arrived in Washington, D.C., on private jets to plead poverty. And, here in Oregon, before the state forecasted the current biennium would fall $166 million short, requiring Gov. Ted Kulongoski to order state agencies to make immediate cuts.

The signs are everywhere now. Year over year, Oregon housing prices have dropped 10 percent. The state has shed 24,000 jobs, or 1.4 percent of its 1.7 million-member workforce. Nearly 14,000 of those jobs were lost in the month of October alone.

Tom Potiowsky is Oregon's top financial guru, charged with monitoring the state's economic vital signs.

He says they have been ailing for some time. But Potiowsky says he is astonished how quickly Oregon's fortunes changed in the past couple of months.

In the next two-year period, state revenues are expected to fall even further—by $1.2 billion, in fact. No one is arguing anymore about whether to call what's happening a recession.

"This time it's a no-brainer," says Robin Hahnel, an economist who has taught at Lewis & Clark College and Portland State University. "The debate going on now is, how bad is it already, and how bad is it going to be?'"

We have no idea. So we turned to the experts: fortunetellers, bartenders, cab drivers, comedians, yoga teachers, shopkeepers, theater owners, rabbis, ministers, divorce lawyers, book sellers, architects and, for good measure, a few economists. Here's a different look at our financial fix—from A to Z.

A

According to at least one Portland astrologer, we have Pluto to blame for our mess.

Dena DeCastro, owner of Sirius Astrology in Portland, says Pluto moved from the constellation Sagittarius—where it's been since 1995—to Capricorn last month. This is, apparently, a big deal.

"Sagittarius is about overextension, over-optimism, going beyond one's needs," she says, adding that it's no coincidence that as Pluto was nearing its transition into Capricorn, the economy was tumbling. "That's what Pluto in Capricorn is about: getting real with the resources that we have at this time."

It's not clear whether Pluto might simply be pissed because it lost its recognition as a planet. What is clear is that DeCastro's business is far more earthly.

"I'm getting some additional business from people wanting answers and guidance," she says. "But business can also go down because of people cutting down on spending. So it balances out in that way."

The good news, according to Portland astrologer Mark Dodich, is that Pluto will be making deep structural changes to the whole planet until 2023, helping to improve the world's healthcare, transportation and economic systems. But we're in for an even quicker fix in 2009, when Jupiter arrives in Aquarius in the second week of January to act as a stimulus package of sorts. "In astrology, Jupiter is like Santa Claus," Dodich says. "He brings gifts."

Jupiter's movement also "turns up the volume on Oregon" since Oregon became a state on Feb. 14, 1859, making it an Aquarius, "the sign of eccentrics and weirdos" and­—incidentally—technology, Dodich says. "That's auspicious," he adds. "Oregon is going to step more into the limelight in terms of technology."

B

The Oregon Liquor Control Commission says distilled-spirits sales have continued to climb without respect to the recession. And that's consistent with what Lance Mayhew, president of the Oregon Bartenders Guild, is seeing. "People tend to drink in good times and bad," says Mayhew, who also works at 50 Plates.

Jamie Dunn, owner of the Gilt Club restaurant and bar, says fewer people are coming out on weeknights, but weekends are busier than they used to be. At the same time, he says, "Ten-dollar fancy martinis are not recession-proof, and we're a $10 fancy-martini place."

Jay Nelson of Young's Market in Sellwood, one of the largest liquor brokers in the state, agrees. "They're still buying distilled spirits, but they're shifting from premium and super-premium to mid-tier suppliers," Nelson says. "They say, 'I can't afford my Grey Goose, but I'm not going below Monopolowa vodka.'"

C

Portland comedian Andy Wood scratches up extra cash by making the rounds at local bars' trivia nights. The Hutch in Portland, for one, now offers a $100 prize on Wednesday nights. "The stock-market fluctuations don't affect us, because the street value of an ashtray of change is stable," says teammate and fellow comedian Virginia Jones. "Of course, I'm OK. Most of my money is invested in Beanie Babies."

D

Fewer people appear to be taking taxis in Portland, at least according to Tom Alexander of Radio Cab. Customers, he says, tend to reserve only their "discretionary spending" for taxis. For drivers, that means more hours on the road to make a day's pay. Instead of just staying home, taxi drivers are stretching their days from nine-hour to 11-hour shifts and working six days a week instead of five, Alexander says.

Money for groceries isn't usually considered discretionary. But neighborhood markets say they've seen some impact from the recession.

At New Seasons Market, company CEO Brian Rohter says he noticed a "minor" shift from organic free-range turkeys to cheaper, non-organic free-range turkeys in the days before Thanksgiving. "But mostly for us, it's business as usual," Rohter says.

The same "business as usual" is true at Portland Plastic Surgery in Northwest, says Claudette Hargreaves, a certified medical assistant who also serves as office manager. For the past two months, the number of outpatient surgeries—everything from nose jobs to breast lifts to liposuction—has remained steady, Hargreaves says.

But that doesn't mean they're worry-free. January and February, typically busy months, could be different. "It won't happen until after the first of the year, if it happens," Hargreaves says.

E

That's right. Things were worse.

In the early '80s, inflation and interest rates were wild. Some mortgages were pegged at 16 percent, meaning no one was building houses and no one was buying lumber. Oregon's unemployment rate reached 13 percent, well above the 7.3 percent rate this October. "It's possible things could be worse, but right now they're not as bad," Potiowsky says, comparing this year's recession to the one two decades earlier.

F

The Oregon Food Bank Network reports requests for emergency food boxes have "skyrocketed." According to its latest report, need has jumped 13 percent compared with last year, a figure that translates to 50,000 emergency food boxes going to Portland-area families seeking help. "We know that this is just the tip of the iceberg," says Food Bank spokeswoman Jean Kempe-Ware. Donations to the food bank are accepted at all Jiffy Lube and U.S. Bank locations, or online at oregonfoodbank.org.

G

Andy Wood says other comedians used to get laughs out of lines about "rape" at the gas pump. Punch line? "The attendant didn't even buy me a drink." But with gas prices now at their lowest level since March 2006, they're just not that funny anymore.

H

Jobs in this industry are growing at a faster rate than some cancer clusters. And according to the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics, health care is the only industry in Oregon (not including education and local government) that actually gained jobs in the past 12 months. So far in 2008 that means 8,800 new jobs in Oregon, says David Cooke of the Oregon Employment Department. (Two thousand of those jobs were in hospitals. Eight hundred were in residential care facilities, and another 4,000 were in doctors' offices.) Meanwhile, local government agencies, including public schools, added 5,500 more jobs than they did in 2007, according to the Oregon Employment Department.

I

Grace Memorial Episcopal Church in Northeast Portland has experienced a 15 percent increase in attendance this fall, says Stephen Schneider, the church's rector. And part of that growth is due to congregants' financial worries, he says. "People want to invest in a deeper set of values, in people and relationships," Schneider says.

Bonny Groshong, an administrator at First Immanuel Lutheran Church in Northwest Portland, estimates attendance at services is up 10 percent. "When there is a crisis, people realize that there are things more important than the material, and that they need something else," she says.

Mike Imlah, the office administrator at Congregation Shaarie Torah in Northwest Portland, says turnout at the synagogue is also up about 10 percent compared with last year. But, he adds, donations have declined by roughly the same amount.

J

According to Brian Schmautz, spokesman for the Portland Police Bureau, crime in Portland is 10 percent below last year's levels. In fact, it's at its lowest level since 1972, when the city's Police Bureau first started recording major felonies in its current system. One category has experienced a slight uptick: Shoplifting arrests are up 3 percent. (But that translates to only about 110 new cases this year, mostly from repeat offenders or thieves stealing high-end goods like perfume.) So far, no reports of miserable 18th-century Frenchmen stealing loaves of bread for their adorable (and musical!) nieces and nephews.

K

When Gov. Ted Kulongoski released his proposed budget for the 2009-2011 biennium Monday, he made it clear he wanted children to come first in his downsized spending plan.

The Legislature convenes in January to craft its budget response. But Kulongoski is recommending more than 50 percent of the state's $16 billion general fund be directed toward education—from preschool to graduate school.

And if the governor gets his way, Oregon's public education system will not face any cuts in at least the first year of the biennium, despite the fact the state projects revenue losses of more than $1 billion during that period.

"He said explicitly, 'These weren't easy decisions,'" says Kulongoski spokeswoman Anna Richter Taylor. "It means there will have to be reductions in other agencies."

Among those affected are statewide officeholders, who will be asked to forgo raises, and state employees, who may have to take unpaid time off. All Oregonians, meanwhile, face the possibility of a gas tax increase and higher vehicle registration fees.

The governor is hoping the feds will cushion the blow, however. Soon after unveiling his budget Monday, Kulongoski flew to Philadelphia to meet with President-elect Barack Obama and other governors to talk about the financial crisis. Among other things, Kulongoski was hoping to ask for more money for Medicaid and food stamps, Richter Taylor says.

L

Covet a cobalt-blue blouse? Can't bear to put the $300 purchase on your credit card? You're in luck: Layaway is back.

These days a number of Portland shops are willing to set up an installment plan, if you agree to leave the garment at the store until you've made your final payment. The English Department downtown and Souchi on Northwest 23rd Avenue offer layaway programs. So does the Seaplane fashion boutique in Northwest. "We've always done it," says Logan Lynn, a buyer at Seaplane. "But now we have a sign showing it."

Mind you, not every store advertises its layaway program, so don't be afraid to ask. "The second best thing to getting something on sale is getting something you don't have to pay for all at once," says designer Elizabeth Dye, owner of the English Department.

M

According to state records, divorces during August and September of this year are down slightly from the same period last year. Some say that's because couples are more willing to hang together when there's less money to divide.

Divorce lawyer Jody Stahancyk, though, says the opposite. In her experience, hard economic times don't discourage couples from splitting. They're just doing it differently. For example, some couples are filing for divorce without the help of lawyers, completing what are known as pro se divorces. "When money was free and easy, they didn't need to watch their pennies as much," Stahancyk says. "Now they need to watch their pennies, but they're still getting divorced."

N

David Buckley, merchandise manager for the Portland Trail Blazers, is optimistic the team's winning ways on the court will translate to more money in the bank, recession or not.

"Merchandise sales are really up," Buckley says. "Sales have been amazing, actually. It has a lot to do with the team—they've been winning, and people are excited about all the new players. So the recession hasn't affected us as much."

Just don't ask Buckley how much the on-court success has boosted sales.

"To try to analyze how much would be pretty impossible," he says. So which jerseys are selling best? Brandon Roy is No. 1, followed by Rudy Fernandez and Greg Oden. Given that Fernandez and Oden weren't playing for the team last season, the popularity of those two rookies has a secondary meaning. It represents one stimulus that needs no help from that noted hoops fan, Barack Obama.

O

Frankly, it's rather surprising Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke hasn't figured this one out. Slap Barack Obama's picture on a U.S. Treasury bond and they'll fly off the shelves. At Cannibals art gallery in Northwest Portland, owner Pamela Springfield sold 22 portraits of the president-elect at $100 to $300 apiece within days of Obama's Nov. 4 win. (One customer even purchased one of Benjamin Alexander Clark's paintings on layaway.)

P

When times get tough, you know who gets laid off: factory workers, waiters, grocery clerks. This time around, few professions are untouched. Architects, for example, have been squeezed by the halt in new construction.

Allied Works, headed by Oregon starchitect Brad Cloepfil, has laid off architects. Other architectural firms in Portland have also laid off workers. Those building luxury condos have been hit hardest.

And while nobody is killing all the lawyers, firms aren't hiring them, either.

Bob Browning, a member of the Oregon Bar's sole- and small-firm practitioners section, says law firms in Oregon are also watching the financial markets carefully and staffing accordingly.

"Several firms that would have filled a position have chosen not to because of concerns about the economy," Browning says.

Q

While the Beavers lost the Civil War—and most likely their shot at the Rose Bowl—last week to the University of Oregon, Rodgers, who ended up missing the game with a shoulder injury, has been a one-man economic stimulus package for OSU. Back in September, when OSU stunned the University of Southern California, there were 3,000 empty seats at Reser Stadium in Corvallis. Rodgers' electric style of play made OSU football a very hot ticket. The average price for a ticket to last weekend's sold-out Civil War more than doubled on the StubHub resale market—to $161.

R

According to Doc and Connie Hatfield, cattle ranchers 55 miles east of Bend, consumers are still eating red meat during the economic collapse…just cheaper cuts. "People have moved down a shelf," says Doc. "They've substituted London broil for rib-eye." Since steak cuts account for only 11 percent of a cow, the shift to less-expensive cuts and ground beef hasn't meant less business for the couple. "People who used to buy steaks are buying other cuts," Connie Hatfield says.

S

For 38 years, millions of job seekers have turned to Richard Nelson Bolles' self-help book What Color Is Your Parachute? for advice on finding new careers. Gerry Donaghy of Powell's Books says a relatively new title has been gaining in popularity as the economic clouds have gathered. Tom Rath's StrengthsFinder 2.0 has been in stock since April, and it's now selling at a rate of three to four times what it was this summer.

T

The good news for TriMet is that ridership is up nearly 8 percent compared with last fall. The bad news is that the bulk of revenues to support our mass transit system comes not from bus tickets but from a payroll tax. A shrinking job market means TriMet's coffers may soon be coughing blood, but the 2 to 3 percent projected loss in payroll taxes hasn't yet resulted in route cuts. "The last thing we like to do is cut service," says TriMet spokeswoman Mary Fetsch. In fact, TriMet increased service Nov. 30 on 13 of its bus lines and the MAX Blue Line.

U

Unemployment in Oregon hit 7.3 percent in October. Though that's not the highest number in the country, Oregon did experience the second-highest job loss for one month after Washington state (which lost 1 percent of its jobs in October compared to Oregon's 0.8 percent), according to the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics.

V

"Probably the only thing that's up is vampire books," says Powell's Books' Donaghy. But the Twilight series has not just been good for book sales.

Vince Porter, executive director of the Governor's Office of Film & Television, says Twilight's first movie infused an estimated $20 million into the Oregon economy, which is why he's now working to bring the rest of the series here. The movie was filmed from February to April 2008 in Oxbow Park, Gresham, the Columbia Gorge, St. Helens and Vernonia. "We're still optimistic," Porter says of that possibility and others. "But we're also realistic. It's still a wait-and-see kind of thing."

W

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X

Tracy Blakeslee, president of Oregon Entertainment Corp., which owns Fantasy Adult Video, says video rentals at his stores in Portland have declined for years. But in recent months, as the economy soured, the decrease in revenue from rentals has been offset by sales in women's panties and other apparel.

"People are looking for more affordable entertainment," Blakeslee offers as analysis. "Couples are looking for things that enhance their time at home." Mary Kay Taketa, Fantasy's apparel buyer, says beautiful, lacy, French maid-style lingerie is trendy at the store. But so are chemises that double as nighties and daytime dresses (when paired with sweaters and jeans). Part of their appeal is they're multifunctional at a time when customers are cutting back. "Then you get more bang for your buck," Taketa says.

Y

At CorePower Yoga, attendance is up. But only in one type of class: the free kind. Manager Nattika Detskultorn says that although the yoga studio's free weekend workshops are attracting more visitors than ever, overall sales are down.

Recognizing the amplified stress and strapped wallets of its clients, CorePower offered a slashed Thanksgiving rate for the first time in several years.

"We see that this is a difficult time for everyone, and we thought it would help," says Detskultorn. "A lot of people often seek yoga as a way to relax and to get in touch with their bodies. So there are lots more people seeking out yoga right now," she says.

Yoga Union in Southeast Portland has experienced an uptick in attendance compared with last year. And why not? There's plenty of stress that needs relieving.

"There are certain industries that do better in recessions like liquor stores and whatnot, and I've considered that we could fall into that category," says co-owner Todd Vogt.

Yoga Union, on Southeast 50th Avenue, also offers $5 drop-in classes, a real bargain compared with the going rate of about $10. The classes, Vogt says, allow people "adapting to tighter budgets" to continue their yoga practice.

Z

Joe Robertson, Oregon Health & Science University's president, announced Dec. 1 that Portland's largest employer will freeze salaries for its nonclassified employees and put a "pause" on new hires.

Robertson, who said layoffs are also necessary, did not exempt himself from the bad news. He and eight other OHSU executives will not accept any bonuses in the 2009 fiscal year because of the financial forces hitting the quasi-public university.

In fiscal year 2008, Robertson received $1.1 million, including bonuses. In 2009, he'll take home closer to $800,000.

As a result of the recession, the number of patients visiting the hospital has been falling, OHSU reports. So has the university's income. At the same time, the number of patients without insurance is expected to rise.

The upshot? A shortfall of about $30 million.

News intern Katie Gilbert contributed to this story.

WWeek 2015