WWeed Grow-Off Week 4

Green thumb wrestling at our office.

On July 1, recreational weed became legal in Oregon. One of the things that means is that everyone can now legally grow up to four marijuana plants. Here at Willamette Week, we were so excited that we decided to have an old-fashioned office grow-off. All of our plants started the same size and they are all the P-91 strain, but each department elected to grow its plants in different ways.

We've been growing for a month now and soon the plants will begin wafting their odors around the office. In an all-staff meeting, Editor-in-Chief Mark Zusman wondered, "Do you get high from the smell?"

Follow along with the progress of our plants at wweek.com/weedgrowoff.

SALES: Bootsy

Sales prefers to feed their plant with fertilizer from Scotts Miracle-Gro. In a chat message, an agent from Monsanto's Roundup called Scotts a "sister company." Their shorthand update:

"Tried using a different fertilizer when I watered Bootsy on Friday afternoon. The plant looked distressed this morning so I'm switching back to Miracle-Gro."

EVENTS: Liz

Events created a "SCROG" for Liz, allowing it to "stretch her out." Well, damn, we'll leave you to it, then. Here's their report:

"Ever since we switched over to the Sun System LEC 315, Liz has been going nuts. In fact, she grew faster than we could have anticipated and height quickly became an issue.  

"To battle the height dilemma we have topped our plant with a homemade Screen of Green (SCROG). The SCROG will help Liz continue to grow fuller instead of taller while allowing us to stretch her out.

"She is still on the Botanicare CNS17 for veg. She is getting watered and fed about 3x a week. Without the advice of our friends at Roots Garden Supply we would be screwed. They are a wealth of knowledge and eager to help out newbies such as ourselves." 

ACCOUNTING: Addi

In an interview, accounting team member Tristan Burman explains that its plant, Addi, had a rough weekend. On Friday, the team moved her under the more powerful rays of a 400-watt hood grow light. The light and the plant were both wedged between two file cabinets and the close quarters led to extreme overheating for Addi. The team plans to suspend the light above the plant on a pole between two ladders to address the problem. Says Burman, “There’s hope on the horizon.”  

NEWS: Reggie

The news team relies on what they learned in science class:

"Reggie had not grown more than a few inches since we planted him. Indeed, we are disappointed, but as a last ditch we decided to move ze out of the conference and to the TV nook, where a skylight exposes ze to more natural sunlight. What you learn in science class is true, kids—plants need water, air and sunlight! Ze has already perked up and has actually grown a couple of inches since the move."  

When asked to confirm how many inches Reggie grew since the move, the news team was unable to provide an answer. "We took away the growth chart," says news intern Emily Volpert, "it was embarrassing."

ARTS AND CULTURE: Candis

Candis looks incredible in her new 20-gallon, breathable Smart Pot. The transplant from the 5-gallon Home Depot was tough, but she held her roots together. Now, feeding off the nutrients of fresh Fox Farm potting soil, the spots in her leaves have almost completely disappeared. Being the only outdoor plant in the contest, she spent the weekend smirking as she bathed in sweet Portland drizzle.  

ART: Oscar De La Juana

The art team admits they don't love their plant:

"Oscar De La Juana is just about ready for her first haircut. She continues to grow up despite being surely the lowest-cost and least-decorated plant in the building."

WWeek 2015

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