With illuminated PBR signs posing as art, a bottle-cap mosaic tabletop and a misguided allegiance to the goddamn Green Bay Packers, Saraveza is like the coolest Midwestern dorm room ever. The only problem is that Portland lacks a soul-crushing winter freeze to justify the heft Saraveza will donate to your midsection. There's the beer, of course—in bottles big and small, drafts bitter and sour and strong—but the pasties ($7.50-$8.75) will do some damage, too. Bring a date and split one of those flaky meat pies and a mountainous Caesar salad ($7), then brace yourself for some foul-breathed, belly-distended lovin'. Or some foul-breathed, belly-distended sleep. Same difference, after Saraveza is done with you.
What to drink: Beer, beer and beer.
Happy hour: $1 off pints 3:30-5:30 pm daily.
Entertainment: Trivia...and beer.