Two words: pork parfait. If the phrase alone isn’t tickling your gag reflex, you’re not thinking about it hard enough. Imagine one of those fast-food, “just throw a bunch of shit into a single container” monstrosities—the kind Patton Oswalt famously called “a failure pile in a sadness bowl”—served in a dainty tulip sundae glass, ensuring the layers of mashed potatoes, cheese and pulled pork are clearly, grotesquely visible. As vomitous as that sounds, it just adds to the odd charm of Windows (1021 NE Grand Ave., 235-2100, redlion.rdln.com), the faux-upscale restaurant and bar at the top of the Red Lion Hotel. A poor man’s Portland City Grill, the so-called “skyroom and lounge” towers a whole six floors above the city. Its alleged “magnificent” view of downtown is partially obstructed by the Convention Center’s iconic spires, the windows of its roofed terrace are practically opaque, and the tiny tables can barely fit three plates comfortably. Despite all that, its proximity to the Rose Garden has made Windows a hidden gem for Blazers season-ticket holders. If you’re looking to get a good, cheap buzz going before the game, with a happy-hour menu offering $2 Pabst tall boys and half-decent nachos, this is really your only option—and as long as you avoid the parfait, it’s not a bad one.