WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22
Jamie Stewart is not OK, and judging by Xiu Xiu's new album, Forget, he probably never will be. But if you're among the legion of liberal arts grads who've developed a cult-like devotion to his quivering vocals and lyrics caught between a traumatic past and dismal future, perhaps his loss is your gain. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 503-239-7639, holocene.org. 8:30 pm. $13 advance, $15 day of show. All ages.
In the vein of Jerrod Carmichael, L.A. comedian and frequent Comedy Central cameo performer Jak Knight knows how to hit the sweet spot between non-PC shock comedy and genuine social commentary. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669, portland.helium.com. 8 pm. $15-$23. 21+.
THURSDAY, MARCH 23
Cloud 9 Comics Birthday Party
Clinton Street's Cloud 9 Comics celebrates its second birthday with a huge sale, offering up to 50 percent off books, back issues, figurines and hardcovers through Sunday. Cloud 9 will also screen Joss Whedon's cult space Western, Serenity, which launched nerd-hunk Nathan Fillion's career as the modern-day Han Solo. Cloud 9 Comics, 2621 SE Clinton St., 503-236-8113, cloudninecomics.com. 11 am-7 pm. Serenity screens at Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., at 7:30 pm. $5-$10 donation suggested.
In Annie Hartnett's debut novel, Rabbit Cake, precocious tween Elvis Babbitt would have been prepared if someone demanded she recite a Snapple-lid fact, but not for her mother's fatal narcoleptic swimming accident. This is the darkly comedic Southern tale of a young girl trying to keep it together after tragedy. Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 800-878-7323, powells.com. 7:30 pm. Free.
FRIDAY, MARCH 24
James Chance & the Contortions
If James Brown got sucked into the Upside Down and had his genes spliced with Lou Reed, James Chance is what would get spat back out. After a long period of dormancy, the 63-year-old screamer-skronkophonist reassembled his old band for last year's The Flesh Is Weak, and still plays funk and disco like he's only ever heard them while high on paint thinner. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., 503-248-4700, startheaterportland.com. 9 pm. $14. 21+.
The Angry Brigade Opening Weekend
The Angry Brigade explores the eponymous London-based leftist domestic terrorist group that orchestrated a series of bombings in the early '70s, with a script from James Graham constructed to thwart comfortable categories like good and bad. Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., thirdrailrep.org. 7:30 pm. $25-$42.50. Through April 15.
SATURDAY, MARCH 25
Blow Pony 10th Anniversary
Portland's lack of a proper "gayborhood" is well-documented, so the fact that Blow Pony, one of the queer community's biggest monthly dance parties, is a movable feast of sorts makes perfect sense. This month, the party celebrates its 10-year anniversary, which organizers promise to be a night of "fierceness, faggotry, fuckery and buggery." Bossanova Ballroom, 725 E Burnside St., 503-206-7630, bossanovaballroom.com. 9 pm. $19. 21+.
Cider Rite of Spring
More than 30 cidermakers will serve up about 100 different Northwest ciders above a beer bar with 100 taps for local beer. Sheesh. Expect every damn local cider brand you've heard of and a couple boutique spots like E.Z. Orchards and Rack & Cloth, plus sushi burritos and sushi doughnuts from Wasabi Sushi. The Evergreen PDX, 619 SE Alder St., nwcider.com. Noon-6 pm. $25, $40 VIP.
SUNDAY, MARCH 26
Winners and Losers
In Winners and Losers, show creators Marcus Youssef and James Long sit onstage and argue whether a cultural figure or topic is, well, a winner or a loser. But the conceptual dialogue quickly gets personal, and the two men end up arguing more about their own lives—who had the more difficult upbringing, who's better at masturbating, etc. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 503-241-1278, artistsrep.org. 2 and 7:30 pm. $30. Opens March 24.
The dean of food science—who's also a pilot, music video cinematographer and Iron Chef host—will be in town acting like a mad scientist onstage at the Schnitz, making food with balloons and snowblowers and hammers and shit, plus playing guitar for some reason. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 503-248-4335, portland5.com. 3 and 8 pm. $40-$125. All ages.
MONDAY, MARCH 27
The Legion of Regrettable Supervillains
Jon Morris' book serves as a novelty history of the most bizarre comic-book crooks, such as Brickbat, wielder of "poisonous bricks," and Swarm, a villain made of Nazi bees. With its erudite prose and midcentury print design, it's as if M.F.K. Fisher wrote a biography of Captain Underpants for Mad magazine. Powell's Books on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 800-878-7323, powells.com. 7:30 pm. Free.
Decibel Magazine Tour
Pre-eminent underground metal mag Decibel has been putting together one of the best annual tours in heavy music for a few years. Headlining this time are primeval German thrashers Kreator and death-metal masters Obituary—with fresh buzz bands Midnight and Horrendous in tow. Expect a packed house of sweaty dudes in studded denim jackets. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd., 503-233-7100, hawthornetheatre.com. 7 pm. $28 advance, $30 day of show. All ages.
TUESDAY, MARCH 28
South London's Kate Tempest makes music somewhere between spoken word, hip-hop and Shakespeare. Last year's Let Them Eat Chaos was a stream-of-consciousness slice of life, exploring seven characters at an hour when nothing good happens. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3895, mississippistudios.com. 9 pm. $15 advance, $18 day of show. 21+.
Blazers vs. Denver Nuggets
A few weeks ago, no NBA fan would've had this game circled on the calendar. But that was before Portland caught Nurkic Fever, baby! Not only is this a revenge game for the Bosnian Beast, it has legit playoff implications, as both teams are battling for the opportunity to get swept in the first round. Get hyped! Moda Center, 1 N Center Court St., 503-235-8771, rosequarter.com. 7 pm. $16-$77.