I've spent the entirety of this week drinking whiskey while desperately attempting to find a sense of joy amidst the dread and misery that seems to have engulfed our nation.
Alas, I have been unsuccessful, and I have neither words of encouragement nor snarky, lukewarm takes on current events to offer. I have, though, spent a lot of time sitting on my couch in a inebriated stupor and watching the 90's PBS children's series Wishbone.
So, here's a short list of 25 Wishbone-themed book ideas I drunkenly though up in an effort to keep my spirits afloat:
1. Wishbone discusses manifestos and feminism in Virginia Woof's A ROOM OF ONE'S BONE.
2. Wishbone doesn't pay his taxes because he hates racism in ESSAY ON KIBBLE DISOBEDIENCE.
3. Wishbone may or may not have angsty sex with a hooker in THE FETCHER AND THE RYE.
4. Wishbone is on a boat thinking about baseball when sharks eat his fish in THE OLD DOG AND THE SEA.
5. Something about Wishbone being on a plantation in THE HOUND AND THE FURRY.
6. Wishbone is dead, and only his ghost knows who killed him in THE LOVELY WISHBONES.
7. A really long book that philosophy majors roll joints on: Wishbone's INFINITE FETCH.
8. Wishbone discusses the burdens of socially perpetuated bigotry in LETTER FROM THE BIRMINGHAM POUND.
9. Wishbone finds an obnoxiously long winded way to say "rich people suck" in THE GREAT GATSBONE.
10. Wishbone shows you how to make a bomb in THE ANARCHIST'S WOOF BOOK.
11. Wishbone learns to praise the almighty dollar in ATLAS PUGS.
12. Wishbone hides his bones in a hollowed part of a tree, but some girl who's dad is a lawyer keeps stealing them in TO KILL A MOCKINGWISHBONE.
13. Wishbone sees the greatest minds of his generation destroyed in HOWL.
14. A killer clown attacks Wishbone in Stephen King's SIT.
15. Wishbone helps a submissive woman discover her sexuality via Mom-Dom in 50 SHADES OF GREAT DANE.
16. Wishbone dances with some Jewish mensches in FIDDLER ON THE RUFF.
17. We take THE BIBLE, and we replace all the characters with Wishbone. It's still called THE BIBLE, though.
18. Wishbone kills himself for the insurance money in DEATH OF A TAILSMAN.
19. Some saucy escapades occur between a working class dog and an upper class female in LADY CHATTERLY'S ROVER.
20. Wishbone brings colonialist notions to Africa in HEART OF BARKNESS, which later inspired the film APOCALYPSE BOW-WOW.
21. In a futuristic society, Wishbone is forced to question what defines humanity in DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRONIC DOG COLLARS.
22. Wishbone chases rabbits in John Pupdike's RABID, RUN.
23. Wishbone lists the contents of his backpack as he trudges through Vietnam in Tim O'Brien's THE THINGS THEY BURIED.
24. Having failed as an artist and been sent to the pound, Wishbone discusses how only he can save Germany in WHINE KAMPF.
25. Wishbone is a POW in Nazi Europe during the end of World War II in SCHNAUZERHOUSE FIVE.