This week in Humptown we're tackling a reader question about MMF or MFM threesomes. The reader asks, "I just want to know if it's normal or healthy for me to involve another guy in bed."

And while the details change, I hear some version of, "is X normal?" about once a week.

Short answer: Yes! Whatever you're into is probably fine, as long as it only involves consenting adults. But given how stigmatized everything to do with sex and sexuality is, it's no surprise we worry about what stepping even an inch off the mainstream path means about us.

Long answer: Sexuality policing is rampant, and toxic masculinity leaves many men feeling like they always have something to prove. When men can't even hug with both arms without adding hard slaps on the back to offset intimacy, it's no wonder that people worry what having another penis around says about them.

I think gender and sexuality are fluid. And I see younger generations embracing that fluidity and also pushing back against the labeling of everything to do with sex and sexuality. But whether or not you embrace that fluidity, I think it's important to know that who you are, and what you do, can be separate things. How you identify your sexuality and who you have sex with, or adjacent to, doesn't have to line up to any cultural expectations.

In order to really dig into this issue I reached out to men who identify as straight or mostly straight and asked about their experiences having threesomes that included other men.

Erik tackled the "does it make you gay" elephant in the room head-on by saying, "I consider myself very straight but also have those experiences in my past. I actually think that exploration helped me solidify who I am and what I want."

Flick comes at the issue of sexuality from a slightly different angle, explaining that since having threesome experiences with other men, "I've become a lot less attached to my straightness as being an important defining characteristic, even been more consciously aware of those rare crushes or attractions to cis- or trans men."

Justin's story continues in a similar vein, "I trusted [the other man] and felt really comfortable with him. I think it helped me confirm that I am heteroflexible, and that I'm not inherently uncomfortable with all men. In this case I actually put the condom on him before he penetrated my partner, it was the first time I had ever touched another man's equipment. But I felt really positive about it, like I was being helpful and supportive, and wanted both of them to have a good time and enjoy each other."

His point brings us back into the core of why people want to have threesomes of any kind, regardless of how gender or sexuality align — for many of us it feels good to see our partners having fun, and enjoying sex, even when it isn't with us.

An anonymous fellow echoes that point, "Compersion is also definitely real. When it's been me, my wife, and another dude, it's nice to make her the center of attention. And having an assist to get her off can be good. I only have two hands, one dick, and a single mouth. Having extras of all of those can ensure better coverage on various erogenous zones." And who can argue with that?!

Even though some of these examples show a degree of intimacy between the men, that doesn't need to be a feature of your threesome if that's not something you're comfortable with. Hawkeye explains, "There are ways to play that don't involve sexuality between men if that is an issue. Careful negotiation is key. Be aware of your boundaries and intentions and it should be a great experience for everyone." And that's what all sex play, especially with multiple people, comes down to.

Just about any sexual scenario you can imagine is no more than a few willing bodies and a clear negotiation away from reality. The trick is being very self aware, so you can look out for any spots that might be uncomfortable for you and negotiate clear boundaries in advance.

To circle back to the original question, is it normal to involve another guy in bed?

My unscientific queries lead to the solid conclusion that, yes, lots of people are engaging in this kind of play. As for healthy, that's a trickier and more personal question. There's nothing inherently unhealthy about inviting another man into your bed. The real question is weather it's healthy for you at this point in your life and in your relationship, and only you can answer that question. But if you feel solid in your relationship, and confidant in your ability to negotiate both desires and boundaries with each other and with your potential third, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't make your fantasy a reality.

Have you got a burning question of your own? We're listening! Email askhumptown@wweek.com and keep your eye out for an answer in an upcoming column!