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Tragedy has given the world some amazing music. Negro Spirituals. Blues. Adele. That one Imogen Heap song. Matchbox 20's discography. Beyoncé's Lemonade. Ani Difranco. Even Billy Joel's happiest songs are pretty sad, and I don't trust anyone who doesn't fuck with a sad Billy Joel.
Without strife, we wouldn't have anything to listen to save for songs by pretty people about how they love to party. But music provides more than a soundtrack to a fun night, and American musicians have always been able to capture the struggles of their times.
After 9/11, for example, we had saw a surge of new, patriotic songs. Since 2001, many of these tracks have been forgotten by everyone save for Toby Keith and the red-blooded American DJs who host firework events in small towns on the 4th of July. But for all their rage, confusion, and misguided calls for vengeance, those songs were indicative of that point in our history.
That's just one example. Throughout time–across languages and cultures–hardship has been rendered into song, and we're certainly facing another hard time.
North Korea is fuckin' around with Nukes. There are claims that humanity has destroyed a tenth of our planet's wilderness over the course of the past 25 years. We're running out of coral. The Zika Virus is spreading. Ebola is almost certain to return at some point in the future. Gun control and police brutality are serious issues. Daesh continues to ruin shit for everybody. Donald Trump is a legitimate presidential candidate. Lena Dunham is still present in pop-culture.
Things are bad, but they're also general problems without concrete solutions. There were people to blame for 9/11, while gun control is a vague issue filled with complications. And when things get bad, vague, and general, there's only one thing Western society can do:
Unite famous people to sing songs together.
There's a direct correlation between how generally bad the world is and the presence of inspirational musical collaborations by famous people. Last month, Manuel Lin Miranda and Jennifer Lopez sang a duet. Then the Black Eyed Peas re-released Where is the Love, with Justin Timberlake, Usher, DJ Khaled and some other famous people. That means we don't even need original melodies for tragic issues. We can just recycle sentimental lyrics, add in a few new celebrities, and call it a day. Soon we'll be seeing Lionel Richie, Fifth Harmony, Gucci Mane singing We Are the World.
And it's only September. Traditionally, songs of unity and optimism aren't released until just after Thanksgiving. You know things have gotten bad when contemporary celebrities are releasing inspirational collaborations well before the Christmas season.
In fact, when you die and you're strolling with Jesus along the beach that was your life, you'll look back and see one set of footprints in the sand at the points that mark most difficult times of your life. You'll ask Jesus, "Say, Jesus. Why, in the darkest hours, did you leave me to walk alone?" And Jesus will say, "Nah, son. When you were too weak to walk, I carried you while listening to that dope-ass Band Aid track about whether or not they know it's Christmas time in Africa." And you'll say, "Well thanks for the ride, Jesus. BTW, do they know if it's Christmas time in Africa?" And Jesus will say, "Yeah. They definitely have calendars there."
And then you and Jesus will have a laugh as Billy Joel plays in the background.
At this point, the only way we can stop more collaborative musical projects where rich people tell us about how love is the most important thing is to solve all the problems. And we can't figure out how to solve a single one of the problems, which means we're doomed to have a shitty soundtrack to our apocalypse.
Willamette Week