1. Hostess Chloe Houser

Is hot.

2. Morgan Grace

Is also hot! And she’s a wilder breed than many of the evening’s musical acts.

3. Imaginary Awards

Among the evening’s nominees for Compilation of the Year is an as-of-yet non-existent Failing Records compilation. Mr. Failing has alerted us to his own confusion.

4. Head Counting

It’s unclear why this year’s event is at the Crystal Ballroom, as last year’s Roseland Theater festivities (despite organizer Craig Marquardo’s claim of “a few thousand” attendees in a 1,000-capacity room) were poorly attended to begin with.

5. How Does it Feel?

On one hand, this year’s PMAs have some great folks up for nomination and some fine musical guests performing. We don’t want to de-legitimize them. On the other, we don’t think you can run an awards show by popular vote in the Internet age, and there are enough alarm bells with this one to make us want to see the ballot returns for ourselves. So attend with the same skepticism you’d bring to a summer blockbuster.

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SEE IT: The Portland Music Awards are 7 pm Thursday, Jan. 29, at the Crystal. $25.