IMAGE: Illustrations by Jonathan Hill
When fans voted Spanish Trail Blazer guard Rudy Fernandez into the NBA’s Slam Dunk Contest (which airs on TNT this Saturday night), we knew it wasn’t just a victory for Portland, but for fans near and far. After all, it was Europe that watched with glee as its biggest star dunked over Team USA center Dwight Howard in last year’s Summer Olympics. And this year Rudy will get the chance to show up Howard—the defending NBA slam dunk champion—yet again. Really, only one question remains: What will Rudy do? WW, of course, has a few suggestions.
Teammate Sergio Rodriguez, who had said he’d be on a beach vacation during All-Star Weekend, shows up in swim trunks.
He pulls a basketball out of his suitcase and hurls it to Fernandez, who strips to his trunks mid-alley-oop.
Fernandez lands in a strategically placed kiddie pool and invites teammates and fans alike to come onto the court.
Everybody do the Spanish Vacation!
Rudy slaps defending slam dunk champion Dwight Howard in the face.
He returns to center court, where he quick-changes into an elegant matador uniform.
He does a Jordanesque free-throw line dunk over a charging Dwight Howard.
For The Ladies!
Five gorgeous female fans are lined along Rudy’s path to the hoop.
He makes out with the first girl as his body splits in two.
Ghost-Rudy perfects a 540-degree no-look dunk while the physical Rudy continues smooching.
The universe implodes.
SEE IT: The NBA’s Sprite Rising Stars Slam Dunk Contest airs Saturday, Feb. 14, on TNT. It starts at 8 pm or, rather, after all the skills challenge and three-point shooting nonsense is done with.