Watching the Oscars this Sunday? You must be prepared. As a longtime veteran of Academy Awards telecasts, I can tell you from experience that only one incentive can motivate you to remain seated all the way through the B-list presenters and a Hugh Jackman's song-and-dance number. That incentive is hatred. You have to dislike a Best Picture nominee so much that nothing will dissuade you from seeing it fail spectacularly. So, just in case you haven't already found that movie, here is a vital question:



Seven Portlanders, including


book editor Jeff Baker and poet Anis Mojgani, tell true, unmemorized eight-minute stories based on the theme "The Moment After."

Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St., 223-4527. 7 pm. $12.

Holocene celebrates some of the city's finest local photographers (including our own Nilina Mason-Campbell and Megan Holmes) with raucous live sets by Boy Eats Drum Machine and Lovers. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8 pm. $5. 21+.

Hand2Mouth Theatre's Faith Helma premieres a musical solo inspired by an obscure fairy tale about a water nymph and self-destructive rock stars. Conduit Dance Ballroom, 918 SW Yamhill St., Suite 401, 235-5284. 7:30 pm Thursday-Friday, 7:30 and 9:30 pm Saturday, Feb. 19-21. $10.

PIFF's last weekend is highlighted by a Dominican baseball drama from the directing team that made Half Nelson. This time with less crack! Whitsell Auditorium, Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave. 6 pm Thursday and 2:15 pm Saturday, Feb. 19 21.



The world's greatest collection of voices returns to Portland with two programs.

Kaul Auditorium at Reed College, 3203 SE Woodstock Blvd., 224-9842. 7:30 pm Friday, Feb. 20. St. Philip Neri Church, 2408 SE 16th Ave., Saturday, Feb. 21. $27-$37.



The two alter egos of insane hip-hop genius Kool Keith—deranged gynecologist Dr. Octagon and cannibalistic serial killer Dr. Dooom—battle to determine the ultimate weirdo rapper.

Berbati’s Pan, 231 SW Ankeny St., 248-4579. 9 pm. $16 advance.

[IMPROV] DEAR _____.
Super Project Lab offers another innovation in public humiliation: short-form improv inspired by the letters, emails and postcards of audience members. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 8 pm Saturdays, Feb. 21-March 14. $14-$16.



New Pornographers leader Carl Newman returns with a new set of undeniably catchy rock songs.

Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+.

The 81st Annual Academy Awards air on ABC at 5 pm Sunday, Feb. 22. The Hollywood Theatre will host Oscar Night America starting at 4 pm. Tickets are $50. For the less well-heeled, Aaron Mesh will liveblog the ceremony at