Time for a game, boys. Something adult enough to engage our manly minds but nothing so complex that we can't play it while completely blazed. No Candyland, no Settlers of Catan. How 'bout Stoner Fluxx? It combines Fluxx, the popular card game of rapidly changing rules, with the joys of marijuana. This version of the game (others include Monty Python Fluxx, Martian Fluxx and Christian Fluxx) is a tad preachy in its advocacy for an end to prohibition, but there's good reason to be. We foresee this one being a big hit in Oregon. $9. Guardian Games, 303 SE 3rd Ave., 238-4000.
What happens when you combine a snazzy design sense with a wasted university education and way too much time? The Book of Beer Pong, a laughably exhaustive, 200-page guide to the favorite sport of woozy, potbellied young men the world over. Lame? Certainly. But when you next find yourself in a dispute over the fairness of flashing your opponent or blowing in the cup, you'll have a water-resistant rulebook at hand. $12.95. Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651, powells.com.
We're always looking for novel ways to pop open a brewski with the broskis, especially while we're riding our bikeskis a little drunksi. Here's the ideal tool: a bike chain bottle opener from Mosier-based Resource Revival. The company, which also makes bike sprocket clocks and bike chain bracelets, recycles cast-off cycle parts into surprisingly attractive doodads. $7. Local Goods, 2136 E Burnside St., 548-4390.
"Aww, maaan! This is the best effin', effin' city in the world, man! PDX! Represent! And this shirt, like, with the hands, it is so effin' soft, and, man, the ladies? They love the pink and green. Love it! A'ight! PDX! PDX! PDX! Yeah, it's screenprinted over at that awesome shop, Tender Loving Empire. Original design. OG. Yeah, it's nice. Imma get, get another Rainier. You want one? PDX!" $20. Tender Loving Empire, 1720 NW Lovejoy St., No. 109, 243-5859, tenderlovingempire.com.
If you drink with beer snobs, make them official. An enthusiast's membership in the Oregon Brewers Guild, the Supporters of Native Oregon Beer, is cheap—just $20 a year—and entitles the bearer to a bumper sticker, T-shirt and membership card proclaiming his SNOBbishness. There are other benefits, including a newsletter and party invites, but mostly it's about lording your beer knowledge over lesser drinkers. Oregonbeer.org/snob.