1. The Road: When the end of the world comes, you should not resort to cannibalism. Academy, Laurelhurst, Valley.

2. BAM Fest: Alien, Big Trouble in Little China, Labyrinth, Raging Bull:Eating other people will not solve your problems. Academy, Monday-Thursday, Feb. 15-18.

3. The Twilight Saga: New Moon: It will only make you feel worse. Academy, Bagdad, Edgefield, Grand Lodge, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst, Mission, Valley.

4. Fast Times at Ridgemont High: Like alcoholism. Bagdad, 10:30 pm Saturday, Feb. 13.

5. Daybreakers: You should only eat people when you want to eat people, not use eating people as a coping mechanism. Laurelhurst.