Top Five Bars for breakfast drinkers:

Jolly Roger 1340 SE 12th Ave., 232-8060. Crow's Nest (two eggs, hash browns, toast), $3, or $2 Monday-Friday.

Florida Room 435 N Killingsworth St., 287-5658. Eight kinds of Bloody Mary mix on Sundays.

Sapphire Hotel 5008 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 232-6333. Bottomless mimosas for $10 at brunch (plus the full bar).

Tube 18 NW 3rd Ave., 241-8823. For more DIY types, Tube offers a bottle of Champagne and a side of OJ for $10.

Kelly's Olympian 426 SW Washington St., 228-3669. Biscuits and gravy for $3.75.

Top Five Bars for would be comedians:

The Boiler Room 228 NW Davis St., 227-5441. The best open mic in town.9:30 pm Mondays.

Suki's Bar 2401 SW 4th Ave., 226-1181. A rowdy crowd. 9 pm Tuesdays.

Mount Tabor Theater Lounge 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 360-1450. Love laughs, hate sunlight. 9 pm Thursdays.

Brody Theater 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. One of the friendlier open mics in town. 10 pm Fridays. $5.

Curious Comedy Theater 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477.The best stage for stand-up. 9 pm every other Sunday. — BEN BATEMAN.

Top Five Bars for service employees:

The Alibi 4024 N Interstate Ave., 287-5335. OLCC cardholders get $1 off all cocktails and import drafts 9 pm to close Sunday through Monday.

Beulahland 118 NE 28th Ave., 235-2794. $3 well drinks, $1 16-ounce Old Germans on Mondays and Wednesdays, all day.

Florida Room 435 N Killingsworth St., 287-5658. Discounts to cardholders "all the damn time."

Virginia Cafe 820 SW 10th Ave., 227-0033. Cocktails for$2-$5, $3-$4.50 draft beers, $2 PBR.

Vintage Cocktail Lounge 7907 SE Stark St., 262-0696. Cardholders get 20 percent off most items daily and 50 percent off on Thursdays.

Top Five Bars for Shuffleboard addicts:

Vendetta 4306 N Williams Ave., 288-1085. A nice patio, a nicer table.

Hutch 4606 NE Glisan St., 235-4729. We hear the board is a really, really good one.

Yukon Tavern 5819 SE Milwaukie Ave., 235-6352. When the Black Cat is full, stumble over here.

Blitz Pearl 110 NW 10th Ave., 222-2229. Shuffleboard downstairs, and it's quiet at lunch.

Broadway Grill 1700 NE Broadway, 284-4460. Free shuffleboard!

Top Five Restuarant Bars for Hard Drinking Foodies:

Beaker & Flask 720 SE Sandy Blvd. Try anything with pork or octopus.

Metrovino 1139 NW 11th Ave., 517-7778. Amazing food, and tony wines by the glass thanks to the Enomatic dispenser.

Ten 01 1001 NW Couch St., 226-3463. Order a Derby and the smoked beef carpaccio.

Clyde Common 1014 SW Stark St., 228-3333. Barrel-aged Manhattans and one sweet $6 happy-hour burger.

Lincoln 3808 N Williams Ave., 288-6200. The Berlioni, a Cynar-based Negroni, was made to go with Jenn Louis' cavatelli.

Top Five Bars for Tourists:

Huber's 411 SW 3rd Ave., 228-5686. The oldest bar in the city, home to flaming Spanish coffee and good turkey dinners.

Portland City Grill 111 SW 5th Ave., 30th floor, 450-0030. Tiered seating at the top of the second-highest building in town. Nice happy hour.

Departure 525 SW Morrison St., 802-5370. New Portland embodied: crazy contemporary architecture and small plates, with a hell of a view.

Edgefield 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale, 669-8610. The epitome of the McMenamins' "Empire of Fun."

Goose Hollow Inn 1927 SW Jefferson St., 228-7010. Former mayor Bud Clark—who exposed himself to art—is the owner.

Top Five Bars for Wine & Beer Geeks:

Victory Bar 3652 SE Division St., 236-8755. Hardcore suds geekery in an adorable setting. Constantly tweets updates on its draft and bottle offerings.

Saraveza 1004 N Killingsworth St., 206-4252. A full-service bottle shop stocked with oddball Belgian ales, local micros and Green Bay Packers adulation.

Metrovino 1139 NW 11th Ave., 517-7778. This Pearl hub boasts an Enomatic wine system that dispenses 80 wines by the taste.

Belmont Station 4500 SE Stark St., 232-8538. Don't always take your beer-mecca buys to go. The adjoining 16-tap bar boasts some of the best suds on the planet.

Lupa 3955 N Mississippi Ave., 287-5872. Owner Amanda Prock pours Portuguese reds, sweet Manzanilla and other overlooked gems in the sexiest little wine bar in town. KELLY CLARKE.

Top Five Bars for Giant Groups:

Hopworks 2944 SE Powell Blvd., 232-4677. Between the huge back patio and the two stories of seating inside, this place can feed an army.

Lucky Lab Brew Pub 915 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 236-3555. An even bigger back patio that can seat an army—of dogs.

O'Malley's 6535 SE Foster Road, 777-0495. Big, fun, and often empty—your army will be unchallenged.

Henry's 12th Street Tavern 10 NW 12th Ave., 227-5320. A hundred taps and 14,500 square feet means you can get a group of 20 hammered without repeating a beer once.

Blitz Southeast 2239 SE 11th Ave., 236-3592. Enough space and screens to take a college football team to watch the Super Bowl.

Top Five Old Timey Beers For Hipsters That Think PBR Is A Dead Scene:

Rainier Lager. Brewed by MillerCoors for Pabst Brewing Co.

Olympia Lager. Brewed by MillerCoors for Pabst Brewing Co.

Hamm's Lager. Brewed by MillerCoors for MillerCoors.

Old German Lager. Brewed by City Brewing Co. for Iron City.

Simpler Times Lager. Brewed by Minhas Craft Brewery for Trader Joe's (look at the Northwest 21st Avenue location).

Top Five Bars for For Parents of Small, Loud Children:

Laurelwood 5115 NE Sandy Blvd., 282-0622. An ingenious business model: Save parents the cost of a baby sitter, and they'll spend it on beer.

Hopworks 2944 SE Powell Blvd., 232-4677. 2944 SE Powell Blvd., 232-4677. The play area has chalkboards and a train table.

Aztec Willies 1501 NE Broadway, 280-8900. Crazy decor and a playroom in the restaurant, plus salsa lessons.

Concordia Ale House 3276 NE Killingsworth St., 287-3929. Kids welcome until 9 pm.

Bamboo Grove 515 SW Carolina St., 977-2771. Palm trees and a kiddie menu.

Top Five Bars for For Pinball Wizards:

Ground Kontrol 511 NW Couch St., 796-9364. With 27 machines, it's a good place to find both well-maintained games and competition.

Slabtown 1033 NW 16th Ave., 223-0099.Twelve games, including a handful of 25-cent machines and fan faves like Medieval Madness and Twilight Zone.

Shanghai Tunnel 211 SW Ankeny St., 220-4001.A nice central pinball option with four machines.

The Standard 14 NE 22nd Ave., 233-4181. Fast becoming a favorite among pinball scenesters, the Standard rocks an impressive six games.

Clinton Street Pub 2516 SE Clinton St., 236-7137. Five machines, including NBA Fastbreak. — CASEY JARMAN.

Top Five Bars for For Gamers:

Ground Kontrol 511 NW Couch St., 796-9364. A given—the original "barcade."

Grand Central 839 SE Morrison St., 236-2695. Bowling! Billiards! Pinball! Dress code!

EastBurn 1800 E Burnside St., 236-2876. Skee-Ball!

Red Room 2530 NE 82nd Ave., 256-3399. Free Guitar Hero!

Players 17880 McEwan Road, Lake Oswego, 726-4263. Time Crisis 4 is better with beer.