A co-worker at my restaurant claims that [Oregon GOP gubernatorial candidate] Chris Dudley wants to abolish the minimum wage law for servers and bartenders. Does he? —Penny

Before I answer your question, I should make it clear that I'm not a part of WW's political endorsement process (see here). According to the restraining order, I'm not even supposed to go within 500 yards of the office. So I speak only for myself when I say: Chris Dudley is the Antichrist, and will murder your children in their beds.

Just kidding! What I meant to say was something more like: "While claims that Dudley is on a mission to gut the minimum-wage law are somewhat exaggerated, his trickle-down economic philosophy is unlikely to win him many friends among low-earning service workers." (Though I still think the murdered-in-their-beds bit is more entertaining.)

Here's what your friend is talking about: two weeks ago, a video of Dudley started making the rounds. Money quote: "It doesn't make sense that our waitresses are getting tips plus the highest minimum wage in the country."

"Aha!" cried Dems, "a waitress-hater!" Not so fast, the Dudley camp responded—the comment was taken out of context, and Dudley was really just quoting what "restaurants say." His people sent me a quote from the man himself: "Another false attack…I am against lowering the minimum wage."

Well, I've viewed the unedited tape, and Dudley was quoting—but he clearly agreed with the quote. In the video he goes on to say (as himself), "There are so many negative issues with [Oregon's minimum wage] that need to be addressed." Dudley may not have immediate plans to change the law, but you'll never convince me he's a fan.

Plus, there's that homeless woman he drowned in 1998…kidding! Kidding! (Jeez. So touchy.)

Next week: goats, I promise.