Were A Roadside Attraction an actual highway tourist trap, it would be the Museum of Oregonian Intoxication. Walled off from the outside world, the patio's rustic shanties and well-stoked fire evoke a pint-swinging lumberjack camp. The deep-red, velveteen interior is scattered with golden dragons similar to Chinatown's fabled opium dens, sans trap doors. The massive warehouse bar caters to both camps with a rotating tap collection and stiff cocktails (no opiates, sadly), and brings it all up to the present with live music and an adjoining vintage store. It's one of Portland's weirdest, coolest bars and still among industrial Southeast's best-kept secrets.
What to drink: A Laurelwood Free Range Red ($4) to match the decor.
Happy hour: $3 microbrews, $1.50 domestic pints; 3-6 pm daily.
Entertainment: Jukebox, pool, live music, pyromania.